So much has the Lord shown me, if you wanna watch the thing that sparked it go to www.fathersglory.com/insp/Rolland_&_Heidi_Baker.htm and watch "laid down lover - toronto 2004" but yeah...
So the whole adoption thing, knowing our daddy chose us, we are His, we belong in HIs family, we are chosen, chosen, chosen. And beyond that, I have been praying lately about sacrifice, at what point do I find myself saying to the Lord "thus far and no further" ? mterial possessions? time? relationships? location? even my living breathing life or my dignity? where is it that I have not surrendered to Him yet and do I want to? can I? honestly, do i want to lay down my ife entirely? I know He will bless me either way and I do not lose my inheritance or His love cos it doesnt depend on what i do or dont do, but how much do I want to give Him and how much fruit is my heart praying for? If I am praying the prayer I have prayed since I was tiny for revival, to see the sick healed etc etc, am i willing to pay the price even if it means my very breathing life? And there are the other things i know I still cling onto up to a point...He broke me over these, I do give Him everything, truly everything because I love HIm, I love HIm so much. He reminded me however...
Two nights ago He showed me a vision of me clutching a raggedly old mangled teddy bear. It represented the past, things of comfort, sentimentalty etc etc. There was and is nothing wrong with hugging that bear either, just to point out. BUt He showed me that if I would only let go of the bear, He would fill my empty arms with whatI have prayed for, people, children, HIs fruit, His glory revealed through HIs works. But you cant hold with full arms. And then i remembered. There were only two times i cried through the two months in ghana a few years ago. Once when a 4day old died as i loved on her and wiped the blood from her mouth and noone cared, and once...
..when we were at the orphanage. The children were treated so poorly and all humanitarian aid was (unbeknown at this point to us) being diverted and locked into a back room where we found it but was actually being sold to raise money for the orphanage keeper. The kids never saw it, they had two sets of clothes each almost and they ate barely anything. Their toys were literally garbage. Bits of dolls, mangled and chewed up, rotten halves of teddy bears if that...we were so heartbroken over these kids and found this treasure trove so got all the new toys out and put them on their beds or them and took their old toys out the back to burn them so they could have their new ones. We tried so hard to explain about the whole new toys thing but they had never received nething new before, they couldnt imagine it, understand it or accept it and what happened next brought me to tears for hours.
As we burned all the garbage that was around the site including these rotten toys that we had replaced, even though the kids knew about the new toys, they couldnt believe they were for them and we had to try and hold them back as the most desperate were running into the flames to try and retrieve their mangled burned pieces of plastic. It broke my heart, totally broke me. And yet..
...is this not a vivid picture of ourselves? Of the church? Of us clinging just like the vision of the bear, just like the kids in the flames, to the old stuff because of a fear of impermanance or non existence of the new? Are we willing to let go of all the stuff we cling to even if it means our arms are empty for a while, to inherit and receive the armloads of promise we have asked God for and wait expectantly for?
So the whole adoption thing, knowing our daddy chose us, we are His, we belong in HIs family, we are chosen, chosen, chosen. And beyond that, I have been praying lately about sacrifice, at what point do I find myself saying to the Lord "thus far and no further" ? mterial possessions? time? relationships? location? even my living breathing life or my dignity? where is it that I have not surrendered to Him yet and do I want to? can I? honestly, do i want to lay down my ife entirely? I know He will bless me either way and I do not lose my inheritance or His love cos it doesnt depend on what i do or dont do, but how much do I want to give Him and how much fruit is my heart praying for? If I am praying the prayer I have prayed since I was tiny for revival, to see the sick healed etc etc, am i willing to pay the price even if it means my very breathing life? And there are the other things i know I still cling onto up to a point...He broke me over these, I do give Him everything, truly everything because I love HIm, I love HIm so much. He reminded me however...
Two nights ago He showed me a vision of me clutching a raggedly old mangled teddy bear. It represented the past, things of comfort, sentimentalty etc etc. There was and is nothing wrong with hugging that bear either, just to point out. BUt He showed me that if I would only let go of the bear, He would fill my empty arms with whatI have prayed for, people, children, HIs fruit, His glory revealed through HIs works. But you cant hold with full arms. And then i remembered. There were only two times i cried through the two months in ghana a few years ago. Once when a 4day old died as i loved on her and wiped the blood from her mouth and noone cared, and once...
..when we were at the orphanage. The children were treated so poorly and all humanitarian aid was (unbeknown at this point to us) being diverted and locked into a back room where we found it but was actually being sold to raise money for the orphanage keeper. The kids never saw it, they had two sets of clothes each almost and they ate barely anything. Their toys were literally garbage. Bits of dolls, mangled and chewed up, rotten halves of teddy bears if that...we were so heartbroken over these kids and found this treasure trove so got all the new toys out and put them on their beds or them and took their old toys out the back to burn them so they could have their new ones. We tried so hard to explain about the whole new toys thing but they had never received nething new before, they couldnt imagine it, understand it or accept it and what happened next brought me to tears for hours.
As we burned all the garbage that was around the site including these rotten toys that we had replaced, even though the kids knew about the new toys, they couldnt believe they were for them and we had to try and hold them back as the most desperate were running into the flames to try and retrieve their mangled burned pieces of plastic. It broke my heart, totally broke me. And yet..
...is this not a vivid picture of ourselves? Of the church? Of us clinging just like the vision of the bear, just like the kids in the flames, to the old stuff because of a fear of impermanance or non existence of the new? Are we willing to let go of all the stuff we cling to even if it means our arms are empty for a while, to inherit and receive the armloads of promise we have asked God for and wait expectantly for?
posted by Claire at 10:13 PM
1 Comments:
Hey. You don't know me, and actually i just found your blog because you posted a comment on some of my friends blog who are in Mozambique right now. so... i decided to check your website out :) i just wanted to encourage you and tell you that the Lord is so in love with you. Your heart towards him just seems amazing true, and your journal entries were so encouraging to my heart, so thank you for sharing. I am hoping to go to the school in pemba this upcoming fall, and i just long for the Lord to continue the outpouring into his childrens hearts. So, be encouraged in him, and thanks again for all your words of the Lord. Blessings
Crissy
Crissycannon@uky.edu
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