And then I had a picture.

The giant is dead.

Lying on the ground slain, me standing on his enormous belly, rejoicing in the victory and yet I'm scared.

Terrified that he isn't really dead. That at some unsuspecting moment a giant hand will grab my ankle, his hands and body engulfing mine with ease, crushing.

Either side there are demons pushing and pulling the arms and legs, jerking it so as to startle me, to make my jump and panic as though my fears were true, I'm gonna die

and yet

The giant

is dead.

There are things that we deal with, in the past, in the present, issues that have defined us, named us and that have become background noise in the interference of our minds. These issues are not the ones we are currently sinning in, nor those that we are battling and warring through. These are the ones we were delivered of, forgiven of, processed through and come through the other side. These are the things that were a part of us for so long but in His mercy the Lord restored, healed, dealt with and loved us out of. These are our giants that now lay slain below us, a goliath slain by the stone of a boy with a great big God behind him.

And yet there are times when the body jerks, when the anxiety returns or the wobbles come. That has been my realisation as i chewed over this picture, processing it, realising the great truth that the giant is dead, that I am not in imminent threat of death and suffocation, that what was done is done and will always be done because the one who authored all, who closes and opens doors with definitive finality, killed the giant dead. However, as I wobble and jump still, I start to wonder….

…what am I still doing standing on the giant?

Rob Bell wonderfully puts it when he explains that being 'out of the box' is great but the only problem is that that phrase is flawed, by its very nature that phrase suggests that the box still defines you, who you are and where you are. In the same way, standing victorious over a dead giant is amazingly great, a glorious victory, but whilst still standing on him, body twitching and being able to be shaken, my stability, my groundedness, my assurance is still determined IN RELATION TO the giant. My world is still defined by the giant, dead or alive.

And the I was reminded of a story that was beginning to echo through mine…

50So David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and with a stone, and struck down the Philistine and slew him. But no sword was in David's hand 51So he ran and stood over the Philistine, took his sword and drew it out of its sheath, and killed him, and cut off his head with it. When the Philistines saw that their mighty champion was dead, they fled.

57When David returned from killing Goliath the Philistine, Abner brought him before Saul with the head of the Philistine in his hand. 58And Saul said to him, Whose son are you, young man? And David answered, I am the son of your servant Jesse of Bethlehem.

4And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor, even his sword, his bow, and his girdle. 5And David went out wherever Saul sent him, and he prospered and behaved himself wisely; and Saul set him over the men of war. And it was satisfactory both to the people and to Saul's servants.

He also killed the giant

He also stood on the giant

But

then he cut off the giants head

Took it as testimony

and then LEFT IT THERE

and walked into favour, blessing, provision and his rightful, royal position.

He did not remain in the victorious place standing over a dead thing and allowing that to forever define him

but he allowed that victory to be a testimony to what God had done

and be a stepping stone to POSITION him to where he was meant to be and was created for.

Does Goliath get mentioned again?

YUP but only once

1 samuel 21

David is now running for his life, he is in a totally different situation, years have past and now a prophet hands him the sword of the one he killed that was the greatest sword there was, to use to protect himself.

It is not the giant he is ever defined by again, but that experience and victory so positions him in the right place, that he even comes to a point where he is able to redeem and wield the very same sword that once threatened his life, to walk in an authority over the very thing that should have taken him out. But even then, the giant, his name, his grave, his descendants, any fear or reputation attached to him…none of it is mentioned. His sword was a useful one for a season so is used,

but the giant is dead.

Time to find a way to cut off its head

step off its stomach

and walk into the God-ordained position that victory has created.

Psalm 139

O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You know me

You discern my going out and my lying down; 
you are familiar with all my ways.

You know every tiny inane thing about me, every decision, every thought, every wondering, every quirk, every move.

Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.

You know me. You know even things I cannot express, the words that don't even make it to speech. You know everything I think and everything I say. Good and bad.

You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.

And yet, you still hug me, still touch me, cover me, give me a dignity I do not deserve, still surround me and protect me and are everywhere I go.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there….even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

You rescue me, know where I am, I cannot hide, cannot run, cannot exist without you being there, waiting, in your great knowing, and your great loving.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well…

How can I say that I am lesser than you say I am. Your creation is magnificent, inspired, unmatchable, unique and you love each piece completely. You know me. And yet you love me. That is why I praise you.

…All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

You had a plan for me, have a plan for me, and in your great knowing you already knew what I would choose, who I would be, who I would grow into. You knew me at the beginning of time.

You know me inside and out, utterly and completely, you know every beautiful thing but you also have heard every vile thought, godless word, bad decision, poor reasoning, wicked intent and heartless deed. Nothing is hidden in darkness, squirrelled away, out of your sight.

You know my imperfection

and yet

You have chosen me

You have adopted me

You have given me every blessing in heaven

You have filled me with your fulness, the fulness that created galaxies and commanded universes in a cosmic dance

You have covered me in a grace immeasurable

A love eternal

A mercy unimaginable

You know me

And you still chose me

In unfathomable abundance.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. 7In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding....Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his glory.

Dear diary

I think I have inadvertently forgotten to be grateful. I mean, I honestly am, I say it all the time, I appreciate the life that I have, the things that I am able to afford, the country I live in and the community God has given me. I am grateful without measure for Gods grace and love and generosity towards me that He would call me His daughter and lavish His love upon me.

And yet.

I have forgotten how to be truly grateful, so overwhelmed with gratitude that I must give it out, bless others, do whatever it takes to love on another, include them in what I feel and know and am grateful for. I have forgotten that it is easy to be grateful for what I have and am given but that a true demonstration of such gratitude must surely come in a drive to find another who does not know in their lives the reason for gratefulness I have in mine. It is the compulsion to touch another, share a heart, give an ear, extend a hug in circumstances within which gratitude seems impossible. It is loving the unlovely, the hurting, the desperately hopeless.

Silver and gold I do not have. But I am grateful for all I have, and that cannot stop at feeling good, thanking God and appreciating how blessed I am. It must overflow to those around me, it has to. This is why we were created, this is why God has poured out His goodness. He has given us the ability to include and gift the things we take as standard in our lives, community, belonging, a cup of coffee, the desire to listen, the time to care, the contacts to make an impossible situation escapable, the education and training to find a solution and make a strategy, the God to provide the healing and adoption. He has given us these things that we, even without a dime, can radically and irreparably impact someones life for the better.

I don't care how cheesy it sounds. It really does simply boil down to Love.