Me and Julia slept for a while this afternoon in center one when we'd finished our work and God gave Julia a dream as He woke me up and had me read MAtt23-24 and her dream and the scripture were about all the same stuff! Bout being ready and the Lord coming like a theif in the darkness but coming soon and being prepared! We then were played a song by this guy on site who wanted to share it with us, Misty Edwards in fact (amazing stuff) and the lyrics were from Matt 24!!! They were about how just cos people said to Noah they have never seen rain and it never had, doesnt mean it wouldnt and in the same way will it be when the son of man returns! We gotta be ready, look at the sign of the times, we gotta be ready!!! Anyways, so after that we got picked up by Heidi for the outreach in her landrover along with about 15 other people! We were packed in like illegals into the back of this landrover and i mean PACKED and it is at this point Heidi decides to announce that if anyone wants out this was one of their hardest villages they have ever been to and they are regularly thrown rocks at and they just chased the last pastor out within an inch of his life with a machete. yeah so we prayed HARD!!! although i tell ya, after HEidis driing, I dont think I could have BEEN any more afraid by the time I got there! lol. We got there and the Jesus film was underway with a few hundred people from the village watching, tonnes of kids in the middle (and my mom in the middle of them all as usual ;) ) To my left was Heidi and a group of people and to my right I noticed a girl sitting in the shadows behind the truck. I spoke to Jesus quietly to quiet my soul which was stil feeling unnerved and I was still feeling ill and I relaised still how much of my flesh was left. How much I wanted to be noticed by HEidi, how much 'celebrity' meant to me which was weird and irational, but I had prayed that the Lord search me and this is something He revealed. The thing was, I looked at Heidi and the team and knew that at that moment I could go join and pray with them. I also knew that there was a girl sitting in the shadwos noone had seen. God told me he had allowed noone else to see her but when I asked Him more He just said "you choose hoey, who do you chooose? will you love the one?" To say I didnt wrestle would be a lie, but something died in me today and I got a greater revelation of what it really means to stop for and love each and every one. I went over and spoke to her and she was silent and looked terrified so presuming she only spoke MAkua, I got up and went back to where I had been at whre Rosa and Cahtel were now furiously praying for more of God as usual! I wanted to join in, but something drew me back to this girl. she was in the corner of my eye and the Lord said "Is that all? you arent finished" I argued with Him, what else could I do?!But he replied, so characteristically of my heavenly father the same way He had to Moses, "what do you have?" I had an extra capalana (wrap around skirt) to protect me from mosquitos ( I didnt get bit once after this btw) so I walked back over to her and sat down in the dirt next to her and handed it to her. She looked shocked and then thankful and turns out she knows portugeuse and that she went to church and wanted me to pray with her which I did for about 15mins, laying on hands and pouring out as well as I could! (I am still learning how to pray thats for sure, but God knows my heart ;) ). Praise God for His patience with us. THis was one mighty lesson I learned under the stars at outreach tonight. I am so humbled. Before long the street lights blew out and we were in pitch blackness excpet for the flickering of the film and a floodlight on the back of the cameon. The sky was filled with a multitude of stars and the milky way and Rosa began to pray for me and I got wrecked, right there and then behind the truck in sand in the middle of a moselm village on outreach! She spoke of healing and me living the impossible as possible. Chantal then saw (and I FELT) tongues of fire and she prayed for love and more of God. NBsince then every time I have prayed I get supa hot and my palms burn, literally! HEidi did an altar call at this point in MAkua for the village where they were actually LISTENING and asked all that wanted to receive Christ to clap, what an applause!!! Many were prayed for for healing and so many received Christ and a time of testimony took place as we al started laying hands on the hundreds of kids and people around although in this village there werent that many sick we could still show them such love! hallelujah. With prayed for a little girl with rickets for ages, HEidi took over later and although there was no change, we both felt that she would be healed over night as the vitamin deficiency corrected itself. Jesus showed me how beautiful each of His children are, so so beautiful, Oh Jesus, hallelujah! Afterwards I discover that apparently the very kewl 13yr old boy we have living with us had got all exicted and shouted to my mom, 'look sue, look! Claire is glowing!!!' I can believe it, this is the second time my countenance apparently changed and it was once again because of the awesome and overpowering revelation of just how beautiful Gods children are and how much HE loves them and us!! Teach me more Lord, teach me more! I rode up front with HEidi on the way home praise God (I dont think I could have driven in the back again!) and she was praising JEsus for the difference in the villagers and was so surprised and praising God that they didnt throw rocks and we hardly got any grief, it truly was a complete change from whn she was there last time, hallelujah!!! I dont know I feel right now to be honest, this evening was so incredible and oddly enough I think Im on the verge of tears again, its amazing what happens when you allow God in verywhere, He makes you very vulnerable! So many people leave tomorrow so I think that is contributing to my mood, I am so full of Jesus but also sad because Janico, Aaron and Brenda leaving marks the beginning of having to leave what the Lord is establishing here and go back to seeing HIm move back home and believing for that, however hard. But I trust God to do all things and that there is nothing He cannot do, emotions are inevitable and indeed was it not me who asked for my heart to be broken and not numb? We need to know that we can live in complete trust of God and still FEEL an struggle ang hurt and rejoice, He made s emotional beings! Rend your hearts not your clothes says the Lord in Joel, REND YOUR HEART. God there is so much more death to occur, I am sorry for my pride, for numbing myself and putting you at arms length, I am sorry for hidden agendas and deluding myself. Search me and know me and know my inmost thoughts oh God. More Lord, MORE OF YOU!! I am not full yet, it is not enough! I am so desperate for you, so so desperate, I need you, you are my lifes breath. I will die without you Lord. My spirit is heavy at the prospect but also at peace. And so I sit again on the porch people playing guitar, crickets singing, moon and stars out. I do not know why I feel grieved, mabye the revelation that my experience of the Lord is still mediated far more that it should be by other people and myself and the boundaris I have put in place. Father forgive me, break me, wreck me, kill me, use me. I love you, I love you, I love you. Aaaargh the mosquitos are out in force as are some major huge bugs omw. I think maybe I need to sleep! I think thats what the LOrd would have me do not wotherwie im gonna end up randomly crying or something! Me ama Yeshua. hallelujah. Amen