There is a moment...in fact there are many...when we realise the cost. We realise how much the bible, God, Jesus, this whole thing is going to cost us. We speak the words and there is a moment when we step back and listen to what we are saying, what we are promising, what we desire in our hearts and proclaim and say with our mouths...and it hits us...the cost.

The cost of being in the world and not of it is that we cannot live with one foot in one foot out. We cannot live in compromise. If we are not of this world thn it grossly changes how we view it, live in it and most importantly...embrace it. I watched TV this holiday which alone is something i hae not done for a while, and I ended up in a sobing heap yesterday and today feeling the need for a full spiritual shower. The thing is, when we begin to be transformed in the renewing of our minds so that we truly know how to live not of this world and totally, radically lovers of Jesus, we see it as He sees it, we grieve as He grieves and we love as He loves. All of a sudden the cost is everything and the gain is everything.

But we cannot gain with full hands. We must give it all up....even the tradition, the seemingly harmless, the one offs, everything. For too long have we compromised and clung onto tiny things that take up precious hand space, preventing us from fully embracing what God has for us. Only when we understand the radical nature of the bible and in love and knowledge that its true, embrace it, will we even come close to living as Jesus lived.

He cared enough to come to this earth....do we care enough to leave it all behind?

Merry Christmas beautiful people!

You are such incredible blessings and I pray over everyone I know reads this;

15For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, 16I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. 17I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit[f] of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. 18I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, 19and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, 20which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, 21far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. 22And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, 23which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.

Isnt it frustratingly strange that even when we know full well that every bit of healing and love and kindness and forgiveness is found at the feet of Jesus, we are so often terrified and unable to go there? We find so much else to do, even spending time typing about the very thing that we know right now we should be undertaking! and yet, God is not human, God is not about guilt and shame, God is not about stealing things back and gifts by works and salvation by works. We are saved because love saved us, because of love, because of grace, because of Jesus.

Because of love

Can I comprehend that? Why is it so hard? Why do we make it so hard? To abide is so so simple. When we abide, we glorify God, when we dont, we dont. Maybe that is what is so hard. The receiving of a grace and forgiveness so freely given and yet so undeserved, over and over and over and over. Oh God.

As I drove home tonight He showed me how much of the fruit of the spirit, how much of HIs character is defined by this aspect of our walk

Love, grace, forgiveness, gentleness, peace, patience, mercy, kindness, Father heart, love love love!

If God is a God so characteristed by these things, then surely He is a God to which we can run to and safetly receive total forgiveness that we might not falter in our walk but instead declare the promises and who He says we are and walk with head remaining high. God is not a God of shame, discouragement, fear, anxiety or guilt. Therefore I rebuke these, give God free reign as I yield myself once more to His reign and rule and allow Him total access and I continue to worship worship worship worship, soaking in worship, soaking in the fragrance of His presence as He removes the stench of mine. Praise God He is a God of replacing! Praise God that it is not about striving! Praise God that the answer is to get on our face! We cannot attain our forgiveness, we must merely ask for it, thank Him for it and keep worshipping. Allowing it to be another platform from which to receive beautiful discipline, humility and more reasons to bless His name through whatever circumstance.

Oh God, forgive me. Bless your name forever. Bless your holy and magnificent name x

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah for blogspot losing what I wrote!!!!

in short

crazy day

nearly ran over a rat

laid hands on a colleague who was insistent that I heal her of her headache there and then in the staff room, and who doesnt even believe in Jesus!

Blown away by the abundant kindness of God who brought me from utter panic despair to thanking and praising and seeing His perspective oh so quickly clearly and easily

oh yeah

and watched a FERRET being WALKED this evening.

*shakes head* dear oh dear ;)

p.s any of you who have broadband, GET SKYPE! and call me ;)

I think my internet and email have been down for a reason for there is so much noone will ever know but me and Jesus and I love it but I wanted to apologise if you have tried to get in contact with me via that method! Phone is much more reliable at the present time! Anyway, a kind friend has offered to help me get this online so I wanted to share…

There have been reams of the incredible this past week, a new level of surrender, a new level of seeing in the supernatural, discernment, visions, putting future plans into reality and motion. I wish to share one vision with you however which has not been as beautiful as the rest. It happened in the room in which I saw the liquid gold floor, the tabernacle style gold walls and the warrior angel standing guard (bear with me!) during a prayer and soaking session. I only tell you this is what I had previously seen there becuase it makes what I saw this evening all the more chilling and important, posing the question,

What are we allowing to invade the holy of holies and come between us and total abandon, total facedown laid down love?

I was lying on the floor and with my eyes closed although almost as clear as if they were open, I was looking at the wall which looked like a huge pearl and it was so beautiful and then i saw glimpses of the angels flying above us and their wings glistened with the same irridescence of the wall. I was marvelling at this for just a second before I turned my head and saw (minds eye still) a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuge snake, like a black mamba, coming straight at me on the floor, cocking its head back, fangs out, half an inch from the right side of my face. Even as I saw it not in the natural it made me jump up quickly, I was lying down which is the most vulnerable place for a snake attack! I sat up really quickly and started to seek the Lord, was it a sign, a warning? what was the snake that had just tried to take me down as I tried hard against all that was in my head i was trying to sort out? The Lords gentle answer took my breath away

"That snake is your pride. It will always stop you from being in the most vulnerable place of surrender with me."

Oh God Oh God. I was so undone I could not even cry or feel emotion, I merely sat there and thought over what He had just said. Oh God forgive me for my pride and arrogance. Oh God. He asked me 'who can do anything?' You can God! i replied. 'Who do you depend on for anything?' You Jesus! Only you! 'Who can kill that snake?' You God! Oh would you kill it? would you kill it please?! and then He reminded me again as my thoughts earlier had wandered ever so slightly into judgement and criticism;

"Do not despise my children"

It is a key to humility. When this is the thing that comes into your head as frequently as it does into mine, there is no room for criticism and backbiting or judgement. Who are we to say anything against anyone? They are God's child and we do not know the full story, we never do. Whether it is one or it is the body of Christ as a whole, we must never ever despise His children.

Oh God. More of you.