Our God reigns
Our God Reigns
Forever your Kingdom reigns!

Woweeee. So so so so much to write and neither the time nor the articulation to actually do so.(I am currently in the IHOP prayer room and grabbing a few seconds but trust me, this aint even the surface!)

[Onething New years conference]
Yesterday was a day of total wrecking, wowzer. I came here feeling so sick and tired and there was such a burden on my shoulders. To be honest I really hadn’t even noticed stuff. I hadn’t noticed how much the situation at work had hurt me and injured by self worth. I didn’t see the upset that certain events had caused me, I didn’t realize the extent to which my heart had closed up because it couldn’t handle the emotion that was flooding it. And I certainly did not realize until I was standing, weeping, yesterday at Onething, that I had prevented God from loving on me, I had stopped believing (or maybe I never did) that God loved me for me, for me, for me, for me.

I have written so much on here about striving. I have posted blogs, preached at people, understood with my highly overactive mind that grace is about a love that is completely independent of our striving. But yesterday God did something profound that rendered me broken and speechless. He called me His sister, His bride.

Jennifer Roberts was speaking and she pointed out; Someone who is your brother is one who shares all those ‘in’ family jokes, He has been there since the beginning, he knows your most embarrassing moments and knows you on your worst days and yet to also be called the spouse of Christ…means He chose me. Means that He loved me so much that EVEN THOUGH He knows all that stuff, Even though He has seen me at my very worst, is so aware of my failings, that I am just unable, screw up so often, am so human and self centred and full of pride…He has CHOSEN to make me His bride, to vow to be with me, to love me unconditionally. I have ravished His heart, I have captured it with one glance of my eyes.

It is a love that is terrifying, “God I don’t deserve it! Don’t love me like that! Love someone else, don’t you know im a liability?! I let you down!” It makes you wanna run, it makes you scared because it is so all consuming and so vulnerable, so complete, so beautiful, so full and abundant, so full of a grace that we don’t earn. For so long I have strived, for so long I have still walked in a way that is just trying to do something so that I might feel like I at least earned one tiny bit of Gods heart. And yesterday?

I realized I earned none of it…and never would.

Oh God oh God oh God. I love you too. With everything.



Thank you