"When the bowl is already full, it only takes one drop for it to overflow"
It feels like I have been here for months. God has broken and accomplished so muc. Julia leaves this morning and Im gonna miss her. We have just returned from watching the blood red sun rise over the Indian ocean which was incredible and thoroughly inescribable, pictures do not do it justice in the slightest. The thing is, the Lord taught me some stuff from it which I know is an ongoing lesson in trust, doubt, faith and patience. At 5am the sky began to lightne and move through the shades of sunrise, blues and reds and yellows etc and yet the sun never apeared. Before long, the sky was almost day blue and it looked as though the sunrise had finished and it was only half an hour later when the sun itself broke the horizon in the most spectacular fashion. The thing is, I KNEW that the sun would come up, it always does, its not like its easy to miss or anything, there is nothing more inevitable than the sunrise and yet the longer we waited the more I began to doubt that I was right, the sky was blue already wasn't it? Maybe the sun had come up somewhere else or was hidden, creating bizzarre but convincing reasons to justify what I saw. I almost left to be honest cos my stomach was bad but God said wait and I am so glad I did. The thing is this...I know this sounds like a random and crazy story and you prob think im a bt of a fruitcake now ;) but in the same way, I have never had anyone healed I have laid hands on, or tonnes of signs and wonders and doubt has so quickly plagued me this week. God speaking and moving and His presence and existence is as inevitable as the sun being wihtin a sunrise. But it is HIM that is the one in control of that not us, all we have to do is trust, wait and have patience knowing that anything HE has said, WILL happen. God taught me such a humbling and important lesson in all of this therefore, He is much a God of the immediate as of patience. To doubt HIm, questions the very nature of God and inherently calls His word and promises a lie. There is aphrase that Donna just used which has ignite fire within my bones; 'raise the bar'. Dont ever settle, dont ever be satisfied and content and comfortable. Ask God for more of Him, wrestle and press in for more, hold HIm to HIs word, ask him, pursue Him, for His promises. If youv seen a healing, ask for five more, if youv seen five ask for a resurrection etc etc, raise the bar of your expectation.
My spirit was so heavy today. Partly becauase I am sick but partly...I'm not sure really. I suppose I felt lower than ever since Aaron and Brenda left. I know I will see them again, even have an inkling that I might visit them on their travels but I will shelve that for now. There are so many things I have had to shelve on this trip! Living in the "I just dont know!' as God has taught me to, giving it back to God and just focusing on HIs eyes and His beauty and so I can be free to worship, soak, pray and be in the secret intiate place with Him. This is what I had got wrong before I came; I believed wanting more and more of God for myself was selfish because there was so much ministry to do, people to love. Now I know that it is selfish NOT to seek God for myself to be poured into because unless you do you are dry and fruitless with nothing to share with others. If I am not soaked in HIm 24/7 I do not have an overflow to pour into others. Only from His cup, acn our prayer and miistry be enirely selfless and sustainable. Hallelujah I am beginning the wonderful, intimate, refreshing, beautiful journey into finding out how to live in the secret place.
This afternoon I spent time with Rosa and Chantel. I felt so heavy earlier that I had asked the Lord what He would have me do about it and He told me to go and spend time with Him. I knew the one place where that would be possible at any time and that would be to hang out with HIs daughters who spend every single day soaking and worshipping and praying, and I mean they go to school, eat, sleep and worship and pray.
Rosa is 18 and Chantal 16 and they are the greatest inspirations of my life, my new african little sisters. I went over to the dorm and my flesh was kicking up as it always does when I allow it and it doesnt wanna speak to Jesus and as I looked in, they were soaking on the floor so I decided to leave them to it as i didnt wanna disturb. As I walked away the Lord asked me...'who are you running from? them or me?" Conviction. I turned back just as someone called my name. Chantal had raised her head just far enuf off the floor to ask for me to join them. I went and entered the throne room for hours upon hours, I cried in HIs arms, He broke me more, He rocked and cradled me, I worshipped Him and they prayed for me and I them. Oh how I will miss the fellowship with these beautys. As she prayed for me, Chantal said that the Lord would remind me that just as Jesus' name is a beautiful one, He has given me my name and it is beautiful as well. She said my name means clarity (which makes me smile as God told me that a year ago) and that HE will be my joy and I will see clearly. Hallelujah. Thankyou Father.
Ok time for a quick whine cos ive been so good thus far ;)
I have two HUGE bites on my arm and tonnes on the insteps of my feet so walking is NOT pleasant! I also feel very rough and have a dodgy stomach, but thats ok, I rebuke it in the name of Jesus and keep seeking after Him. He'll sort it :)
I love watching the girls worshiping. Its all they do every single day. They dont care what anyone says or thinks, they just want more of HIm. More than once have they come to me in tears, sobbing cos they want more of Him so badly. Jesus, break me, make me even half what these girls are. Amen x
It feels like I have been here for months. God has broken and accomplished so muc. Julia leaves this morning and Im gonna miss her. We have just returned from watching the blood red sun rise over the Indian ocean which was incredible and thoroughly inescribable, pictures do not do it justice in the slightest. The thing is, the Lord taught me some stuff from it which I know is an ongoing lesson in trust, doubt, faith and patience. At 5am the sky began to lightne and move through the shades of sunrise, blues and reds and yellows etc and yet the sun never apeared. Before long, the sky was almost day blue and it looked as though the sunrise had finished and it was only half an hour later when the sun itself broke the horizon in the most spectacular fashion. The thing is, I KNEW that the sun would come up, it always does, its not like its easy to miss or anything, there is nothing more inevitable than the sunrise and yet the longer we waited the more I began to doubt that I was right, the sky was blue already wasn't it? Maybe the sun had come up somewhere else or was hidden, creating bizzarre but convincing reasons to justify what I saw. I almost left to be honest cos my stomach was bad but God said wait and I am so glad I did. The thing is this...I know this sounds like a random and crazy story and you prob think im a bt of a fruitcake now ;) but in the same way, I have never had anyone healed I have laid hands on, or tonnes of signs and wonders and doubt has so quickly plagued me this week. God speaking and moving and His presence and existence is as inevitable as the sun being wihtin a sunrise. But it is HIM that is the one in control of that not us, all we have to do is trust, wait and have patience knowing that anything HE has said, WILL happen. God taught me such a humbling and important lesson in all of this therefore, He is much a God of the immediate as of patience. To doubt HIm, questions the very nature of God and inherently calls His word and promises a lie. There is aphrase that Donna just used which has ignite fire within my bones; 'raise the bar'. Dont ever settle, dont ever be satisfied and content and comfortable. Ask God for more of Him, wrestle and press in for more, hold HIm to HIs word, ask him, pursue Him, for His promises. If youv seen a healing, ask for five more, if youv seen five ask for a resurrection etc etc, raise the bar of your expectation.
My spirit was so heavy today. Partly becauase I am sick but partly...I'm not sure really. I suppose I felt lower than ever since Aaron and Brenda left. I know I will see them again, even have an inkling that I might visit them on their travels but I will shelve that for now. There are so many things I have had to shelve on this trip! Living in the "I just dont know!' as God has taught me to, giving it back to God and just focusing on HIs eyes and His beauty and so I can be free to worship, soak, pray and be in the secret intiate place with Him. This is what I had got wrong before I came; I believed wanting more and more of God for myself was selfish because there was so much ministry to do, people to love. Now I know that it is selfish NOT to seek God for myself to be poured into because unless you do you are dry and fruitless with nothing to share with others. If I am not soaked in HIm 24/7 I do not have an overflow to pour into others. Only from His cup, acn our prayer and miistry be enirely selfless and sustainable. Hallelujah I am beginning the wonderful, intimate, refreshing, beautiful journey into finding out how to live in the secret place.
This afternoon I spent time with Rosa and Chantel. I felt so heavy earlier that I had asked the Lord what He would have me do about it and He told me to go and spend time with Him. I knew the one place where that would be possible at any time and that would be to hang out with HIs daughters who spend every single day soaking and worshipping and praying, and I mean they go to school, eat, sleep and worship and pray.
Rosa is 18 and Chantal 16 and they are the greatest inspirations of my life, my new african little sisters. I went over to the dorm and my flesh was kicking up as it always does when I allow it and it doesnt wanna speak to Jesus and as I looked in, they were soaking on the floor so I decided to leave them to it as i didnt wanna disturb. As I walked away the Lord asked me...'who are you running from? them or me?" Conviction. I turned back just as someone called my name. Chantal had raised her head just far enuf off the floor to ask for me to join them. I went and entered the throne room for hours upon hours, I cried in HIs arms, He broke me more, He rocked and cradled me, I worshipped Him and they prayed for me and I them. Oh how I will miss the fellowship with these beautys. As she prayed for me, Chantal said that the Lord would remind me that just as Jesus' name is a beautiful one, He has given me my name and it is beautiful as well. She said my name means clarity (which makes me smile as God told me that a year ago) and that HE will be my joy and I will see clearly. Hallelujah. Thankyou Father.
Ok time for a quick whine cos ive been so good thus far ;)
I have two HUGE bites on my arm and tonnes on the insteps of my feet so walking is NOT pleasant! I also feel very rough and have a dodgy stomach, but thats ok, I rebuke it in the name of Jesus and keep seeking after Him. He'll sort it :)
I love watching the girls worshiping. Its all they do every single day. They dont care what anyone says or thinks, they just want more of HIm. More than once have they come to me in tears, sobbing cos they want more of Him so badly. Jesus, break me, make me even half what these girls are. Amen x
posted by Claire at 10:47 PM
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