Ephesians 2 (The Message)

He Tore Down the Wall
1-6It wasn't so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn't know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It's a wonder God didn't lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah.

7-10Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It's God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.

11-13But don't take any of this for granted. It was only yesterday that you outsiders to God's ways had no idea of any of this, didn't know the first thing about the way God works, hadn't the faintest idea of Christ. You knew nothing of that rich history of God's covenants and promises in Israel, hadn't a clue about what God was doing in the world at large. Now because of Christ—dying that death, shedding that blood—you who were once out of it altogether are in on everything.

14-15The Messiah has made things up between us so that we're now together on this, both non-Jewish outsiders and Jewish insiders. He tore down the wall we used to keep each other at a distance. He repealed the law code that had become so clogged with fine print and footnotes that it hindered more than it helped. Then he started over. Instead of continuing with two groups of people separated by centuries of animosity and suspicion, he created a new kind of human being, a fresh start for everybody.

16-18Christ brought us together through his death on the cross. The Cross got us to embrace, and that was the end of the hostility. Christ came and preached peace to you outsiders and peace to us insiders. He treated us as equals, and so made us equals. Through him we both share the same Spirit and have equal access to the Father.

19-22That's plain enough, isn't it? You're no longer wandering exiles. This kingdom of faith is now your home country. You're no longer strangers or outsiders. You belong here, with as much right to the name Christian as anyone. God is building a home. He's using us all—irrespective of how we got here—in what he is building. He used the apostles and prophets for the foundation. Now he's using you, fitting you in brick by brick, stone by stone, with Christ Jesus as the cornerstone that holds all the parts together. We see it taking shape day after day—a holy temple built by God, all of us built into it, a temple in which God is quite at home.

God gave me a vision as well which He asked me to share cos its for you guys also! He showed me a field entirely covered in wells as far as i could see...you know, those brick open ones that normally have a beam oiver the top and a bucket? except these ones didnt. There were no buckets. And every single well had a name, I could see some of them and they were Joy and peace and love and grace and mercy and provision and faithfulness and kindness and goodness and patience and self control. There were more but i couldnt read them. Anyways, I asked God how to draw water from them and He said that we could draw water from any if we wish as they are the natural fruits of His spirit but that He is an abundant God. It was then that I realised that the wells were fll to the brim and I could see the surface tension of the water at their surface. He said (with a glint in his eye) 'ask me' and I did, I asked Him for joy and instantly the tension broke and the water poured over the sides of the well and it flooded me. Again I asked for peace and then love, each time His abundance poured over. He told me that these wells are within us and if we ask He will cause overflow. Hallelujah!

Isaiah 35
Joy of the Redeemed

1 The desert and the parched land will be glad;
the wilderness will rejoice and blossom.
Like the crocus,
2 it will burst into bloom;
it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy.
The glory of Lebanon will be given to it,
the splendor of Carmel and Sharon;
they will see the glory of the LORD,
the splendor of our God.
3 Strengthen the feeble hands,
steady the knees that give way;
4 say to those with fearful hearts,
"Be strong, do not fear;
your God will come,
he will come with vengeance;
with divine retribution
he will come to save you."
5 Then will the eyes of the blind be opened
and the ears of the deaf unstopped.
6 Then will the lame leap like a deer,
and the mute tongue shout for joy.
Water will gush forth in the wilderness
and streams in the desert.
7 The burning sand will become a pool,
the thirsty ground bubbling springs.
In the haunts where jackals once lay,
grass and reeds and papyrus will grow.
8 And a highway will be there;
it will be called the Way of Holiness.
The unclean will not journey on it;
it will be for those who walk in that Way;
wicked fools will not go about on it.
9 No lion will be there,
nor will any ferocious beast get up on it;
they will not be found there.
But only the redeemed will walk there,
10 and the ransomed of the LORD will return.
They will enter Zion with singing;
everlasting joy will crown their heads.
Gladness and joy will overtake them,
and sorrow and sighing will flee away.

"My presence will go with you and I will give you REST"

ex 33

We HAVE FOUND GRACE - hallelujah! He knows us by name - woah!

There are two ways we can enter His presence and then practice it. Both are fruitful but only one sustainable. One is to pour into others from our own wells thus running dry, the other is to maintain fullness and therefore natually pour into others purely from the overflow of God and Holy Spirit by learning how to practice the presence of God, how to wait and how to rest. It is the most profound thing to realise that psalm 23 indeed states:

He MAKES me lie down in green pastures.

Oh katapausin...we must labor only to rest, not strive to be fruitful. It is out of our waiting on Him to instigate that the fruit naturaly pours out. Leading from the secret place, overflowing from the very fullness of God permanently in us is the rest that God desires, not burn out or striving, but Himself realised in our weakness, His love filling us til we almost explode that we might worship Him into eternity Him and us, we are dark yet lovely, we are beloved of the King...eyes fixed back on Jesus, oblivious to the storm raging and the impossible made possible, just loving and being loved. Oh that we would learn how to practice His presence.

"My heart and flesh cry out
For you the living God
Your Spirit's water to my soul.
I've tasted and I've seen
Come once again to me
I will draw near to you
I will draw near to you"

Today was a turnings day. A day when rubber hit the road. I don’t know how much is worth putting on here suffice to say that a very dear patient of mine who I know well was diagnosed with a second cancer unrelated to the first which occurred with less than a million to one chance and has reduced his life expectancy from 5-15yrs to 5-15months. He broke the news to me today and I had the immense privilege this afternoon of God providing the divine opportunity for me to be able to sit with him undisturbed, and share the gospel and Jesus with him. An hour of difficult hard conversation, questions without answer, hurt and pain and tears. Not the gospel conversation I ever envisioned and certainly not where and with who in what circumstance.

And yet

He asked me to pray for him and knows I am fighting his corner spiritually even though he himself has not yet given his life to Christ. He opened up to God so much but it was during this conversation that today’s turning occurred.

I do not think it coincidence that it was within my studies last night I discovered that the breakdown of the word repentance in the original Greek actually literally translates as "turning mind" the thing about repentance is that it is the formation and acting upon a NEW PERSPECTIVE. That hit me in the gut from the outset of reading it but oh today put it into practice. The thing is, we have fresh perspectives in God and to be honest, is very easy when we are with everyone else who shares it or who is so poor and desperate they need that fire. But what about those who desperately need Him and it appears like He has deserted them? I was left with a question that has sobered me and brought me to my knees in tears most of today. I have peace about it because I know this is a profound lesson the Lord is teaching me, but it is sobering all the same because of its ramifications and the "repentance" that needs to occur in response.

When the rubber hits the road, do we believe God is who HE says HE is, has and will do what HE says HE will, and is living and active and present right here right now?

Because so often we pray within our own comfort zones or that of the zones of people we are praying for. We pray not out of faith but out of comfort. What can we bring to situations where prayer is required? In the human flesh? not much, but we can bring empathy and comfort. However, in doing so and not having the faith for the greater works of God, we are taking responsibility on making sure He appears to show up instead of TRUSTING that HE will do that which we cannot comprehend and it pains us to even speak out loud such is the size of our mustard seed faith. And yet, He works through us, in us. THIS IS WHY WE MUST BE BROKEN. We must have our hearts broken. We must let Him wreck us so we are no earthly good, so we have nothing left to cling onto besides Him for then we will abandon our pride and all that comes with it, and display Christ and Christ crucified and Christ risen, we will proclaim His healing and His power and His love even when there seems to be no way that it could ever break through or impact . And when our faith is such that to believe for a miracle such as the one I promised to pray and believe for today, healing in an impossible circumstance, we must pray that He break us, kill us, and grow that mustard seed so that the mountain can and will move. I long to be in a place where I don’t get in the way any more, where my own agenda, own fears and insecurities about what will really happen if I pray as I say to, if I truly believe the bible.... I long for the day when I am so abandoned to Him and so SECURE in Christ security and God's Lordship and so sufficient ONLY in Christ’s sufficiency that come another situation like today I would not even hesitate to offer to pray and to declare that the God I love and serve can and will heal and bring salvation and peace and joy and love and HOPE. I long for the day when I use God as a crutch to merely display my heart and my longing to be able to comfort the inconsolable...Oh for the day when I do not MAKE EXCUSES FOR GOD AND TRY AND PROTECT HIS NAME IF SOMETHING DOESNT HAPPEN JUST IN CASE SOMEONE MIGHT THEREFORE THINK BADLY OF HIM?!?!?!? How ludicrous is that?!??!??!?!?!!

Lord, may that day come right now. I don’t want to wait years and years although I know there is a growing maturity in this till the day I die and maybe beyond. But I want to be dead in my flesh, I want to be wrecked and broken and ruined and raw that you might pour out through me, that I may not fear but be totally abandoned and obedient whatever happens or doesn’t happen. LORD...HELP ME GIVE YOU BACK THE CONTROL OVER YOUR OWN MIRACLES!

There is so much more pouring form my heart but I feel they can only be expressed by the groaning that is beyond words and the heavenly tongue you so graciously and generously provide us with in moments like this. I love you. With everything I have, I love you I love you I love you....Jesus. Your will be done, on EARTH AS IN HEAVEN! JESUS! Hallelujah!

In your powerful and precious name I pray.

Amen x

p.s. before some of you bring up the question of dilemmas I must face as a nurse seeing sickness in the face of healing, why people are sick or in fact how we should pray, faith etc. Read the following; John 9. It does not come close to full answers, but this guy had done nothing wrong, it was not condemnation, he was simply sick so the Lord could be glorified further. The application of this? It is an exciting, exhilarating one and is uncharted territory. But a place I am willing to walk. Will you walk off the map with me?

Would I , forsaking all else follow my saviour into whatever and wherever and however He chooses? Will I lay down my life daily for HIm and be His servant, HIs daughter, His bride until the end of time? Will I forsake ALL ELSE to do so? Yes Lord. YOu know I will. YOu know I love you. YOu know I agape you. You alone know my heart.

As I soak and seek His face I am reminded once again. It is just not about me. None of this is. I dont know where it is going but I do know what it IS about...Him. His rule, His Kingdom come, HIs freedom to the captives. I do not know how to proclaim that here, how to love when I am tired and noone wants to know and there are no opportunities and I am not naturally an evangelist that will wander up to random starnger to tell them about Jesus, what do you say for a start?! either way however, I know that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus and instead of sitting under and in the inadequacy of myself, my lack of ability, strength, courage or wisdom, there is a greater one than I that covers me, lifts me up, enables me, who is glorified in my weakness, i mean..imagine that?! my weakness actually benefitting someone and making a situation even better than it is as opposed to the natural order of weakness and inability resulting in lack of or poor results.

The more inable, the more wrecked and broken and unable we are...the more HE can move and have HIs rule. The only thing I should be kicking myself about right now is not how long I have spent with HIm, how fruitful I am being in spreading His message or even my thoughts and fears and anxieties...it is that I am not more broken..no, that I was not ALLOWING Him to break me further. And so my ferverent cry is resumed, I call on heaven and earth to witness my choice. I choose life (Dt 31) I choose Him, I choose whatever it takes to see heaven on earth, to see healing and restoration and heaven and HIs glory and His LOVE...

...break me Lord, wreck me, ruin me, humble me, use me, remove my own abilities and ruin and wreck me that You and You ALONE might be glorified.

Praise your name oh Jesus. Praise Your name Deus, in all the earth, let all heaven proclaim, let all earth adore, let all nations declare, you are glorious and majestic and reign in power and wisdom and might, you re the first the last the omnipotent, the omnipresent, the faithful, the true and trustworthy God, the lion and the lamb, the father, the husband, the
righteous judge, the sacrifice. Hallelujah to the Lord on high! Hallelujah and hosanna! I look forward to next year, maybe too much? I am unsure...but I do know that my heart is so full to burstin,g I have so much I dont know what to do with, I have so much that I am unsure about and yet so much within me from everytime I feed from God. What a dichotomy! I want to spend every waking second with Him because I am so so hungry for Him, I cant breathe without HIm and YET...everytime that I do, I almost dont want to because I know I can almost not handle it, I know that as soon as I have spent time with Him, I will not be able to stop being more hungry, I will not be able to feel divine discotnent. I am hungry for more and hungry to explode with the love of Jesus and yet have no idea how! I know that when I go to Holy Given school, the Lord will teach me practically about how to do it, but until then? THATS the question. The question is HOW to live it and learn it here, God, will you be my teacher? Will you teach me? Oh Father I need you to meet this need, I know you wont give me anything i cannot handle and I am praying that you would open heaven and release me into visions and bring me to you, I wanna see miracles, i wanna open the eyes of the blind, see lame walking, raise the dead in your name, but Jesus, I cant do anything!!! only you can!!
Lord, more of you! Fill me to overflowing but TEACH ME HOW TO OVERFLOW!

That is it. That is my question and plea of the day. Break me, wreck me, ruin me, humble me and teach me how to overflow. Lord in your precious name Jesus I pray all this knowing that ou have heard, knowing that you love me, knowing that you are smiling over me and that all you have promised is and will come to fruition. I love you so so much. With all of my life, heart, mind and strength. Search me and know me oh Lord, show me your glory and your will be done in my life, your will be done in earth as in heaven. I love you. In Jesus name. Amen x

Why are we not offended by HIs Word anymore?...because we r not preaching the bits that offend us ;)

There is something decidedly unsettling about the times when the same topic and challenge comes up in very time that you spend with GOd, both in readings,bible verses, books and general observation. What is it that is causing me tofeel unsettled and challenged about my current state of living?

Poverty. Our need for it, its significance in the bible, our lack of.

Guy Chevreau notices, to my interest, The only time that Jesus refers to Himself as KING is in one of the least preached on passages in the bible, the stark and sometimes very unnerving passage of the sheep and the goats. Only here does JEsus describe when He comes back and that He is king. The thing is, if we search what it was Jesus said about ownership of the kingdom of Heaven, we find things that are beyond disturbing...they are lifechanging.

"The kingdom BELONGS to the children...the poor POSSESS the kingdom...Those who care for the hungry, the sick and the stranger INHERIT the kingdom....and the rich have to TRY and enter the kingdom."

go one step further and you will note how we spend so much of our time singing that we want to see God 'high and lifted up" to see him in His glory etc etc. The one time he refers to Himself as the king we sing about, glorified, HE makes a BOLD statement that, in essence, to se HIm high and lifted up, we must first see HIm and love HIm in HIs more distressing disguise and "when i was sick you cared for me, when I was thirsty you gave e a drink etc etc". Guy puts it beautifully but once again unsettlingly when He says this:

"There are dynamics of the kingdomof heaven therefore, that we will never know without giving ourselves to the poor"

I am not calling you to outer mongolia. What I am saying is that if we track through the gospels, look at His message...it is rooted in the poor, the young, the least.

It was at this point that my spirit was unnerved, but then the Lord had me read Oswald chambers for the day...what was it about? Asking and getting. Doesnt sound relted to the above does it? But what Oswald points out is that you cannot ask until you appreciate that you do not hvae and that the word for 'ask' in the greek was in fact the same as the word for 'beg'. HE identifies that in the beatitudes the ones who inherit the earth are the 'paupers in spirit', the ones who have recognised they have nothing and who arent ashamed to throw everything out of the window in begging for what they need and do not have. Oswald concludes today by saying the following:

"Yet we will never receive if we ask with a certain mind for we are asking out of our lust, not our poverty. A pauper doe snot ask out of any reason other than the completely hopeless and painful condition of his poverty. He is not ashamed to beg...blessed are the paupers in spirit (matt5:3)"

Thoroughly challenged and with my world turned on its head, I realised that a few observations I had made this week to people who had particularly frustrated me or with whom I had realised life was frustrating me, fitted into place in this lesson the Lord is bringing forth. The thing is, that is why it is so much simplier to reap a harvest and preach salvation in places where physical poverty is very very rela and not just some abstract imagined state. When we are desperate, we have a higher propesnity to believe and have faith, and quicker abandonment to just ask and to pray, less time to be bothered intellectualising and thinking about stuff and a more welcoming heart to anything and everything that will meet our needs, offer us love, heal our wounds and feed our mouths. That is the difference between here and africa, they have less to lose.
Getting to that point in my revelations over this word, I began to wonder my own place in this, my own repsonse. How we can all react to the challenge that Jesus very strakly puts forth, the Lord asked me in prayer this afternoon to really grasp and understand and live Ephesians five. NOt knowing what it was I turned to the passage and read:

Ephesians 5
1Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children 2and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
3But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. 4Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.[a] 6Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7Therefore do not be partners with them.
8For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9(for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10and find out what pleases the Lord. 11Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, 14for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you."
15Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. 18Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. 19Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, 20always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
21Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

You want a framework of how to start living this? Read what Jesus said "whoever receives a little child like this, recieves me" "when I was sick...hungry...thirsty...imprisoned..." and then read the above. Our reaction to living as paupers in spirit is 100% dependance on Him, purity of mind, body and action, the testimony of the way we conduct our lives what we do with our resources, what we trust into the LOrds hands, giving hysterically with abandon whe HE asks it of us, living every second recognising that we have nothing to offer Him but that when we ask Him for something, He will meet and answer us. Will the above revelartions make it easier to live here now we understand better why we are possibly not seeing the harvest where we thought we'd find it? maybe, mybe not. THe rich western world will always cause levels of frustration in us who have seen or heard the more that God is doing in places where there is nothing but Him. But maybe it might challenge us to quit being apathetic, to eva,iate the shelf life of our investments, to get ou there onto the streets, into projects, just to smile at our next door neighbour. As a beautiful friend of mine recently concluded...

"I realised that when you get deeper into Popa's heart it always leads you to the poor"

Amen x

This morning I am once again drawn to the word as I continue to journal here in response to the fact that God started a work in Mozambique that is just being built upon now I am back. There does not yet seem an appropriate place to stop journalling here, so here I shall continue. Thankyou Jesus for being my perfect teacher, so patient and true. Amen x

But those who wait for the Lord, who expect, look for and hope in Him, shall CHANGE and renew their strength and power. They shall lift their wings and rise up close to God as eagles mount up to the sun; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired. Is 40:32 AMP

To begin with, the conviction this amplified translation brings after a night of fighting in the spirit realm something which I do not understand is greatly magnified. Once again He asks me, am I willing to wait on Him? Whatever the result? Whether or not He moves in what timing I think He should, when where how or why I think He should? Am I humble enough yet to give Him total authority and control and say so? Am I yet in a place when He has total say over everything and I am receptive and vulnerable enough to His spirit that I can detect the wind of His spirit, the spiritual thermals so that I CAN rise up like and eagle when He says and therefore, and only then, not strive but run and not grow weary?

He wants to respond to my prayer for permanance, that is for sure. How? By developing in me something that is SUSTAINABLE. To sweat and toil is a condition of the curse, but it is important to recognise that apathy and lazines cause us to busy ourselves not to stop. It takes work and labor to wait on HIm, whatever it takes. I will repeat this message til i get it...Permmance is born from; the secret place, humility, waiting on Him and discerning His will....allowing God everything and totally abandoning ourselves to Him while noone else is looking, seeking Him in the intimate place that He calls us and waiting there, WHATEVER THE COST. The only direction I can go from here is down...there is no other direction than lower than we are.

Humble me Lord.

MARK 9:36
"Then He took a child, set him infront of them and put his arm around him and said 'Whosoever receives a child like this in my name, receives me; and whoever receives me, receives not me but the one who sent me."

This verse needs to be quickly noticed before I leave journalling for today. Why? Look at Heidi, look at what Iris does, look at the kids and the transformations and the miracles and...just look. Then read it again.