Hehehehehhee in the space of three seconds, what I am going to write here has changed dramatically. Sorrow had flooded my soul, my heart was heavy, my spirit dry. And then I remembered...God PROMISED me something I hadnt even asked Him for. A few months before this period of 'fire' He showed me this:

He showed me a field entirely covered in wells as far as I could see...you know, those brick open ones that normally have a beam over the top and a bucket? except these ones didnt. There were no buckets. And every single well had a name, I could see some of them and they were Joy and peace and love and grace and mercy and provision and faithfulness and kindness and goodness and patience and self control. There were more but I couldnt read them. Anyways, I asked God how to draw water from them and He said that we could draw water from any if we wish as they are the natural fruits of His spirit but that He is an abundant God. It was then that I realised that the wells were full to the brim and I could see the surface tension of the water at their surface. He said (with a glint in his eye) 'ask me' and I did, I asked Him for joy and instantly the tension broke and the water poured over the sides of the well and it flooded me. Again I asked for peace and then love, each time His abundance poured over. He told me that these wells are within us and if we ask He will cause overflow.

I had forgotten! I had navel gazed, I had become introscpective, I had prayed for the overflow but not jumped in with both feet DESPITE emotion! And so I asked once again, I asked for which wells I need today...Joy, peace, grace, mercy and Love. And I drank and I drank and I drank and I drank,

I drank deep

hallelujah!

Nothing has changed, God has not changed, situations are here for my learning but they are also just life. Work is there not as a salvation battle ground, but to teach me in its rawest form how to love, how to stay pure, how to close my mouth, what to do with pearls, trust and a million more things I need to learn here before I smack up against them on the field. How do I learn? Striving, even striving for the overflow??!?? Comparing myself with others? Needing to control and understand the plan?

hahahahahahahahahhahahahhahaha...oh how foolish have I been?!?!!?!? hahahahahahahahaha

the answer to how to do any of these things whilst worshipping and making time for my gorious beloved?

Drink Deep.

Isaiah 35
Joy of the Redeemed
1 The desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom. Like the crocus,
2 it will burst into bloom; it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy. The glory of Lebanon will be given to it, the splendor of Carmel and Sharon; they will see the glory of the LORD, the splendor of our God.
3 Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way;
4 say to those with fearful hearts, "Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you."
5 Then will the eyes of the blind be opened and the ears of the deaf unstopped.
6 Then will the lame leap like a deer, and the mute tongue shout for joy. Water will gush forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert.
7 The burning sand will become a pool, the thirsty ground bubbling springs. In the haunts where jackals once lay, grass and reeds and papyrus will grow.
8 And a highway will be there; it will be called the Way of Holiness. The unclean will not journey on it; it will be for those who walk in that Way; wicked fools will not go about on it.
9 No lion will be there, nor will any ferocious beast get up on it; they will not be found there. But only the redeemed will walk there,
10 and the ransomed of the LORD will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away