I write all that is below because I feel I should share a glimpse, and that is all it is, of what I have come home from. I share it with you not to make you jealous, but to create within you a longing for the things of God. We are too content. Thats what was revealed to me this morning at church, I called people to hunger, thirst, longing, to want to chase after Him, to see His words bear fruit. Read what God has said He will do, read what Jesus said about Himself and his kingdom and our authority, read it and then declare it. We are living with the bar set too low, we are far too satisfied and content with where we are and the tiny things we are asking for. How big is your God? I ask again, how big is your God? Sit under His waterfall, ask for Him to fill you so that you might be brimming, that you might be poured out to everyone you come into contact with. Stop being comfortable and satisfied. Divine discontent. I dare you to pray for it ;)

Saturday, November 11, 2006

There is such a great number of things pressing upon my heart to write and share this evening that I am overcome. I will either be writing a small novel as the Lord leads, into the night, or I shall sleep. If I am overcome with tiredness or with His beautiful touch, then let it be this message above them all that I share with you.

Yesterday, the Lord asked me to watch Joyce Meyer tonight on God channel. I knew that the message that she would bring would be for me, I just did not realize quite how deep it would cut, quite how much it would strip and challenge and answer. Why? Because it is from a passage the Lord Himself gave to me at the beginning of this journey with Him and oh so quickly I have forgotten it, walked from it. I have found myself wandering round the proverbial desert, aware of my shortcomings, aware that I a proud, aware that I am hungry and thirsty and needing Him in so much. I asked Him to humble me, and however dangerous a prayer, I really, really meant it. I wanna be humble. Tonight, He reminded me.

Deuteronomy 8

“1 All the commandments which I command thee this day shall ye observe to do, that ye may live, and multiply, and go in and possess the land which the LORD sware unto your fathers.
2 And thou shalt remember all the way which the LORD thy God led thee these forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee, and to prove thee, to know what was in thine heart, whether thou wouldest keep his commandments, or no.
3 And he humbled thee, and suffered thee to hunger, and fed thee with manna, which thou knewest not, neither did thy fathers know; that he might make thee know that man doth not live by bread only, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of the LORD doth man live.
4 Thy raiment waxed not old upon thee, neither did thy foot swell, these forty years.
5 Thou shalt also consider in thine heart, that, as a man chasteneth his son, so the LORD thy God chasteneth thee.
6 Therefore thou shalt keep the commandments of the LORD thy God, to walk in his ways, and to fear him.
7 For the LORD thy God bringeth thee into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and depths that spring out of valleys and hills;
8 A land of wheat, and barley, and vines, and fig trees, and pomegranates; a land of oil olive, and honey;
9 A land wherein thou shalt eat bread without scarceness, thou shalt not lack any thing in it; a land whose stones are iron, and out of whose hills thou mayest dig brass.
10 ¶ When thou hast eaten and art full, then thou shalt bless the LORD thy God for the good land which he hath given thee.
11 Beware that thou forget not the LORD thy God, in not keeping his commandments, and his judgments, and his statutes, which I command thee this day:
12 Lest when thou hast eaten and art full, and hast built goodly houses, and dwelt therein;
13 And when thy herds and thy flocks multiply, and thy silver and thy gold is multiplied, and all that thou hast is multiplied;
14 Then thine heart be lifted up, and thou forget the LORD thy God, which brought thee forth out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage;
15 Who led thee through that great and terrible wilderness, wherein were fiery serpents, and scorpions, and drought, where there was no water; who brought thee forth water out of the rock of flint;
16 Who fed thee in the wilderness with manna, which thy fathers knew not, that he might humble thee, and that he might prove thee, to do thee good at thy latter end;
17 And thou say in thine heart, My power and the might of mine hand hath gotten me this wealth.
18 But thou shalt remember the LORD thy God: for it is he that giveth thee power to get wealth, that he may establish his covenant which he sware unto thy fathers, as it is this day.
19 And it shall be, if thou do at all forget the LORD thy God, and walk after other gods, and serve them, and worship them, I testify against you this day that ye shall surely perish.

Lets take some of the key stuff in this and then look at the overall picture of what it is God is saying, of the warnings of the above blessings, of the things we overlook in our excitement to get tot the promise. Joyce was quick to remind us that it took the Israelites 40years to complete an 11 day trip. I don’t know about you, but that terrifies me, the idea of it taking that long to be broken and humbled and gotten to that place because I grumbled and murmured and complained makes me never want to speak again. Oh that my mouth might come under the rule and reign of the Lord Jesus Christ that I may never speak out of impatience and worldly vision, selfishness and ungodliness. Oh that my mouth would stay silent, my heart delighting in the Lord all my days. Oh God, that I would not be caught wanting and impatient in you.

The Israelites are so similar to us, we find it easy to criticize the and see the differences, but the planks in our eyes as we do must be addressed.

“1 All the commandments which I command thee this day shall ye observe to do, that ye may live, and multiply, and go in and possess the land which the LORD sware unto your fathers.

If we will just obey God. Getting that? OBEY GOD. Period. If we will obey God, we will walk smack into His promises, smack into that which He has for us. If we will not lay our hands to it but trust Him and walk as He commands us, TRUSTING Him, then we will see fruit, we will see progress, we will see acceleration, we will see promises, we will see what our parents could only pray for. If we will just walk in total surrender total obedience. What did this mean for the Israelites? It meant to walk WITHOUT GRUMBLING and MURMERING and COMPLAINING. How easy is it to think obedience means going to another country or something? How much harder is it when we realize obedience is about just taming our tongue, about shutting our mouths, about surrendering our hearts, about overriding our emotions and loving anyway?!

2 And thou shalt remember all the way which the LORD thy God led thee these forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee, and to prove thee, to know what was in thine heart, whether thou wouldest keep his commandments, or not.

Remember remember remember. Oh that word. Oh the staff that Moses held, oh that we would REMEMBR WHO GOD IS. Oh that we would take HOLD of His character. Of His FACE not His hand, oh that we would REMEMBER GOD that we might stand on the rock of His promises instead of worshipping that which He does for us. Remember those moments of wilderness, those times He brought us through, remember what He did there and the fruit of it. God brings us through times of HUMBLING and PROVING.

We are humbled. As we walk in wilderness, as we choose to continue to wait on God and keep walking regardless of feeling, circumstance, of all else, the more we walk and wait, the more is stripped from us. Waiting makes us aware of our greatest fears, greatest doubts, it makes us aware of our inadequacies, it makes us aware of Gods authority and total control. It makes us aware that in terms of control…we have none. Waiting and walking in wilderness is one of the hardest lessons we can walk, but it teaches us humility and we only have to look at the beatitudes to recongise the great wealth for those who walk humbly before God and before men….it is these that will inherit the kingdom. That will INHERIT the KINGDOM OF GOD!

He proves us in this time as well. I have been walking round and round inside refiners fire, a stoked up furnace. I have been walking unscathed with my saviour and yet as I have, I have watched the dross come to the surface, one thing after another, I have realized and re realized that I am no good, that I am sinful, that it is only by Grace, oh God, only by Grace. Sweet sweet grace.

Why does He do this? Why does He make us wait? Why does He bring us through pain? Why does He call us into the wilderness? Why does He strip us bare, remove control, break and strip and burn and bare? Is He not a loving God? Yes. We prayed that we might be His and He ours. For us to be any use in the kingdom of God, we have got to learn how to lay down our fleshly, proud beings and die on the altar. Dying is not comfortable.

But why did He do it? To see if we would keep His commandments, to see if He was truly in our hearts or just in our mouths. When rubber hits road, when it is the everyday, when we are faced with situations that try us, that change our emotions, that control our mood, that are not what we want, will we still bless His name and walk how He asks us? How much truly truly truly belongs to Him? He is bringing us to a placed of enforced honesty. How much is His? He wants us all, He wants to pour into us His all and for that, He needs everything of us that we might be the pure and spotless bride, that we might be filled to overflowing without speck. Yes there is grace, but when reality hits our will, what is our decision? What is our conviction?

3. And he humbled thee, and suffered thee to hunger, and fed thee with manna, which thou knewest not, neither did thy fathers know; that he might make thee know that…
[4 Thy raiment waxed not old upon thee, neither did thy foot swell, these forty years.]

HE CAUSES US TO HUNGER!!! Holy HUNGER! Here it is again! God is causing us to hunger and then feeding us in ways we cannot even explain! We may not be rich but somehow we continue being able to live and we cant even explain how! He clothed us in one item of clothing instead of luxurious new things and yet it never wore out. The miracle may not be in abundant provision, but it was in the continuation of things they had owned for forty years! How grateful are we? Are we constantly running after Gods hand, loving Him for what we can get from Him? IF He asked us to stop asking altogether, would we stil love Him with the same fervor? How grateful are we for the seemingly mundane, the seemingly small, the seemingly non descript and yet the most miraculous of all, that we do not wear out, that we are provided for, that we are fed, that we remain hungry for Him, that He has taught us the greatest lesson one could ever be taught?

man doth not live by bread only, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of the LORD doth man live.

An uncontent heart will always remain uncontent however many things we try and cram into it to fill it whether worldly or Godly. Are you getting this? There is only one thing we can understand that will revolutionise this discontent, to feed only on Gods word, on His TRUTH. I would direct you to my explanation of Truth and dwelling place that is coming on here real soon for a cross ref here but get this; If we live only by bread, only by provision, by living, then we will neer be contented, we will always be hungry again. Jesus was the Word that because flesh, He was the bread of life that promises that noone who eat would ever be hungry again. If we wil leanr to live in the joy of our salvation, the revelation of our IDENTITY in Christ, the understanding of who we are and who He is and where we are and that is just isn’t about us anyway then we will learn to enjoy every single day regardless because we will understand contentment, we will know God in a way that is only dependant on Him, and Love never fails. Hallelujah.

What is the key to all of this? There are a few, but the main one in all of it, is humility via fear of the Lord. V6 speaks of fear of the Lord and wisely so. Let us take heed form all of the above, remember where He has taken us from, realize that only 2 of the million or so original Israelites made it into the promised land. We cannot make it on our own, and we also cannot make it in with heart attitudes that are wrong.

And the final warning? If we forget, if we walk into our promise and forget the Lord our God and what He has done for us, we will go back to whence we first came.

God, have mercy, humble me, kill me, lay me on the altar. I cannot wait forty years to walk an 11 day journey. I will walk as long as it takes, I do not pray out of impatience, merely that I would not be so obstinate that it would take 40 years for you to kill me and break me enough for me to be any use whatsoever. God it is all about you, I am not my own, I am yours. Please humble me, give me holy fear of you, teach me your ways and help me walk in obedience. And God oh God, when I stumble and fall, may your grace wash over me like a river, ay it fall like rain. I am sorry for my humanness, I long to be more like you, I hunger and thirst for more of you, your face, your character. I delight all my days in the courts of your praise oh God. I delight in you and who you are. God I truly say, my God will provide, He is mighty to save, He will come and rescue me. But even if He does not, I will not bow the knee to any other. You are my God, you are everything. When I committed my life to you, I made covenant with you. I want to walk into your promises for me Lord that I might see your kingdom come by my laying down and letting you pour through me. I don’t want people to see me anymore. God, I want them to see you, they need to see you. God, do whatever it takes. Please. In your name precious King. Amen x
For so long now I have been praying that God would make His dwelling place within me. It was a prayer I didn’t not fully understand but my Spirit and heart cried out for, my whole being thirsts for this more than anything. When I went to Mozambique my cry was that no longer would it feel like God was a ‘break in the clouds’ but that He would come and make His permanent residence within me. For that to happen, I have walked into refiners fire, I have understood deeper levels of purification and intimacy and secret place. There is a price to becoming a place where God makes His habitation and I am by no means there. But I want to carry Him, I want, wherever I go, God to be there, to come by His spirit and His power. I pray that I might be a Holy habitation,

His dwelling place.

But recently I continue to ask God, How?! How does that happen? What does that mean? I have asked and asked as I pray and reside near Him, enjoying His presence, battling myself and the evil of the air. I have asked at work under immense stress, I have asked lying in bed at three am. How does it happen God? How do we become a dwelling place for you?

Today He answered me.

How do we live in the river of God, under the anointing? How do we become a dwelling place of the most High, a temple for Holy Spirit?

By our hearts knowing and professing the TRUTH. If we grasp the truth, then we will be able to be a dwelling place for God because no lie barriers will exist and we will be able to walk in the co-joined humility and bold authority of our secure identity in Christ, the truth of God. Why does this truth set us free? Because every single barrier we put between us and God is either a direct lie or based upon one. The truth is this; through what Christ did on the cross, through the miracle of our becoming one with Him through the resurrection, we are all a dwelling place of the most High, a temple of God. But sometimes we do not always move into realization of that because we cannot accept Him in that place, cannot have His peace and joy. Why? Because we have built barriers of lies around ourselves. The TRUTH has set us free because when we truly truly know the truth of the Word of God, written in the Bible, demonstrated through Jesus, we know who He is, walking with incredible humility and fear of the Lord. We know who we are, we can walk heads held high and children of God, in the boldness and authority that comes from realizing that it is nothing to do with us and it is not by our authority we speak and we have no control over any of it! In this way we naturally do not take the glory, we merely walk tall in the total dependence and satisfaction that we gain from our Lord.

If we want to be a dwelling place of the most High, then we must surrender every lie that has taken us captive, even (especially) the ones we love and have embraced and have identified as ourselves. If we will be willing to walk off the map, off the radar with God and walk in 100% of the Truth of His word, which means walking with control totally surrendered, in total trust, then we walk with Him and us in constant communion. How do we do all of the above? Secret place. Intimacy. Oh Jesus

All fruitfulness flows from intimacy.

Hallelujah
Now that is what I call a prophetic day!

A very big post to come

very very big

about dwelling place,
yipee!

wanted to forewarn you ;)

Friday, November 10, 2006

I have gotta record this if only for my benefit...

This afternoon, after struggling with stuff that has come to light that has been majorly threatening the very purity that I desire nearly as much as I desire the Lord Himself, I asked Him. “Lord, why cant you have called me by a name that means purity? then i would know that it ismy calling, that it is who I am and what I am’. I asked Him out of such selfishness because at that time it felt like it wasn’t even my call, wasn’t even a part of who I am cos satan attacks it so hard. And then He giggled and whispered, ‘what is your middle name?’

SUSANNA

From
Σουσαννα (Sousanna), the Greek form of the Hebrew name שׁוֹשַׁנָּה (Shoshannah). This was derived from the Hebrew word שׁוֹשָׁן (shoshan) meaning "lily" (in modern Hebrew this also means "rose"), perhaps ultimately from Egyptian sšn "lotus". In the New Testament this is the name of a woman who ministered to Christ. It also occurs in the Old Testament Apocrypha as the name of a woman falsely accused of adultery. The prophet Daniel clears her name by tricking her accusers, who end up being condemned themselves.

Susan means lily. Lily means PURITY

Purity is my middle name!

HAHAHAHAHHA Glory!


Holy Spirit blows me away. Jesus is so kind and wonderful!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


"You were not always a Martha"


A word from the Lord for cell last night as we stopped for a while to just wait on Him. I record it here because it cut me deep and I need to remmeber it. And not just it, but the tone with which it was said to remind me of the sweetness of my Lord. Never does He speak in a way to elicit guilt and condemnation. He spoke the words so gently into my spirit in such a way that instead of feelin guilty and reprimanded, I felt loved and longed for. He calls us to stop for a while, to recognise that there will always be jobs needing doing, but to just sit at His feet and enjoy Him. They will get done, all fruitfulness flows from intimacy, seek first His kingdom, be Mary.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

I think it is time for me to post once again.

I have been quiet lately because God has been doing so much it would take a bullet point list to say it all, it has been beyond words but, more importantly, I am learning as Mary did, that somethings are better left close to your heart to cherish and remember. Not everything needs to be said, in fact, very little does.

So God has been teaching me further about secret place, about intimacy and about being so thirsty and how to drink. He has been giving revelation of what oneness really means, my flesh and His flesh, my blood and His blood intertwined. Not a Jesus over your shoulder or in heaven or in the other room that needs calling over, but a Jesus who is so joined and one with us through the work on the cross, that as we breathe, He breathes, as we week Him we becoe more and more indistinguishable, more and more intertwined. When we get this revelation, we understand who we are and therefore walk in its fullness.

I have learned more about finding secret place in the most stressful of circumstances, of where God is when we are burnt out and angry and hurting. I have learned more of His heart for His beloved children, His desire to just love on us. I have learned His provision in friendships and random beautiful God-incidences and how, if we will just let Him hijack our every living breathing moment and give Him the firstfruits of everything we have, even our bodies and our time, He will respond beyond response.

I cannot explain except to say that I am still learning so very very much. I am silenced by the greatness of His majesty and by the very little I know that I know. I feel I am almost not able to say anything to Him for fear of Him discovering my mistakes, my stumbling over basic truths, my ignorance. And yet, He loves me in my naivety, in my ignorance, in my unknowing mistakes. He loves me anyway. I write stuff like this all the time and everytime it hits further home, everytime it wrecks me more.

Unless I get this, unless God Himself and secret place is branded upon my spirit, it would be foolish for me to go next year, to go anywhere and do anything. But if I get a hold of this, if I continue giving Him every hour He asks for, surrendering everything, learning a life of laid down love...

...there is nowhere in this universe I would not go if and when He asks.

Friday, November 03, 2006

*smiles*

I finally found the picture on Heidi's fridge. Actually there are two more far more definite one but either way it made me smile cos this is what caputured me when i was over there. To the right you can see ( cant get it in bigger res you'll just have to rust me) a Mozambican outreach and the fire that sits upon the heads over everybody there. Makes me very very happy :) x