I am in such an interesting place at the moment, life has thrown curve balls that have made me realise the humaness of the beautiful people around me, and of myself. The realisation that peole are but grass that withers and our feet are so often placed in shifting sand. The promises I have so often held people to are fallen promises made on a whim that they never know whether they really will keep or not. The only one who knows is Him, the only one I can trust and believe and, most beautifully, who loves me even though He knows my nastiest and most human side, is my beloved. Day by day I pray that He reminds me once again how to worship, how to let go of bitterness, how to reside once again in His heart and allow Him to just hold me without kicking and screaming. My heart needs Him so bad and yet I feel like an overtired child that does not know what to do with themselves at all. He is so gracious and loving and faithful and kind. It is hard for my flesh not to want to distrust Him also, to distrust whether song of songs really was for us or whether His gift or His love was conditional after all. But I look around and I know, I pray and I know, I read His word and I know. to whom else can we turn? Who else has the keys of eternal life? Who else can we trust? I can no longer trust anyone as I trust Him. He is jealous, burning with jealousy but He is slow to anger, not slow to love. He sees our imperfections, our ugliness, our cancerous thoughts and battered hearts but He does not despise us for them, neither does He ask us to sort them before He will love us again. He does not hold us to the human standards that we are so often hurt and let down by, He loves us in the midst of it all, regardless of what happens next, even if we dont change, he still loves us. That is a truth that right now is blowing my mind, that has me speechless in so many ways. I have been hurt like I thought I could never be by someone who does not even realise how they have hurt me. Broken promises of who I was to them when, when all is said and done, it turns out that they didn't love me as much as they thought they did after all, instead despised me. To be loved for the Jesus that pours forth through our lives is such an incredible honor and makes me so happy. But to be loved unconditionally, wherever we are at, however we act, warts and all, just because we are us, not because of what we do or hear or the relationship we have with our Daddy...that is a much truer love.

Misty sings in one of her songs; "...disillusionment it is a gift..." it made me think and think this afternoon, how could disillusionment possibly be a gift? Because it pushes us further towards the one who is altogether lovely and altogether holy. It reminds us that this world is but a breath and the men in it but grass that withers and falls. It keeps us in a place where our eyes have to be turned towards Him because there is nothing left. Oh that we would learn to love Him like He loves us, to walk as Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego walked, to love Him without condition and without offense.

Daddy, I want to be in that place again.