It is a new year and God is here :)
It thrills my heart to its very core that when all is stripped away, when we are shells of ourselves, at the end of everything that we are and that we know...He is there. He remains there in faithfulness, in goodness, in peace and perfection, in holiness, in forgiveness. The very essence of everything that He is and was and will be. The great I AM goes nowhere.
I have ridden the tossing and turning waves of the last year. I have seen things beyond comprehension, by His grace been shown things I did not deserve to see and yet have also known the storm, the pain and the furnace in the midst of the greatness and wonder. As Heidi has said and lives day by day, it is a cup of suffering as well as joy. The two come hand in hand and as much as I despise the suffering at times, I praise God that I can trust Him. When all else fails around me, when all else crumbles and falls, all I am left to realize to an even greater clarity is the even greater extent to which I can trust Him and entrust Him with everything. He goes nowhere. We do everything we can and live out of our flesh and our humaness, covered in the cancer of sin and yet over and over and over, instead of offense He offers love, instead of anger He extends grace and forgiveness, instead of turning His back and walking away, He is running with His arms outstretched, tears pouring down His beaming face to once again embrace the son, the daughter, that He loves and has given everything in eternity for.
I am undone by His mercy, His grace, His forgiveness and most of all His love. I have stood on the stormy sea and felt the wind whip my face, the boat no longer in sight. I cannot turn back, I asked Him to take me out of the boat, I asked to walk on water. It is me and Him now, nothing else, no security or comfort other that what I know in Him. Me and Him, eyes locked, almost a stand off as He asked me this year if I will continue to walk, continue to trust Him as the waves continue to beat against my feet, the gale battering my wind burnt cheeks. For so long this winter I have found myself crying "Jesus, I just can't", at the end of myself, frozen with fear, with tiredness, with uncertainty, with so much that cannot even be articulated. I chose to look at the waves, to stare at the wind. To trust the things that I saw and felt and knew, to trust my 'reality', my common sense, what I knew and to try and run to the boat behind, to choose comfort after all, to backtrack on where He has brought me, by my own asking. But the boat is nowhere to be seen...and I began to sink.
A human standing there would have walked away, would have been hurt, disappointed, rejected...so many things. We read Peter's story with criticising eyes and judgemental minds. But Jesus never criticised him. He never said a thing against him. The amount of grace extended to Peter throughout Jesus' life is astounding. We don't understand, it makes no sense to our human reasoning but the thing is...
...at least Peter got out of the boat.
It is a life lesson that I think I will learn and continue to learn until my dying day. I almost want to remain captive to human reasoning and the judgment and opinion of man for feeling of deserving it. Fear of man and fear of the unknown and circumstance had so quickly frozen me from the pure childlike thrill and delight of walking on the water, doing the impossible with Jesus. But Jesus never condemned him like we so often feel we should be. The ending of 2007 for me was not the failure that the world and my mind would have me believe it was. On the contrary. God is God. At the end of ourselves, there is more room for His rule and reign. I feel like I am so far from everything He has for me and then I discover the greatest new years present of all...I am right where He wants me, where He needs me. The only place where my pride is no longer, where my hands and prised open, nothing left, empty and broken, a place from which anything can happen. Him and me. Me and Him. My creator, my beloved, my best friend, my master, my everything....and I.
What does 2008 hold? I have no idea. Who will come on the journey along the way? Does it even matter any more? I trust Him. Everything of my world has crumbled and yet...
...He has not forsaken me, nor ever will.
Praise be to God the maker of heaven and earth. The earth is His tabernacle and I will praise Him for as long as I live simply because He is worthy. He is trustworthy and true. I can run to the far sides of the earth, to the deepest depths of the sea and He is there, He knows my thoughts before they form in my head. He is faithfulness. He is love. He is perfection. He is holy. He is in control.
He is everything.
Jesus, I only know one thing walking into this year on the waves, staring into your beautiful beautiful eyes and that is....
.....that I love you.
It thrills my heart to its very core that when all is stripped away, when we are shells of ourselves, at the end of everything that we are and that we know...He is there. He remains there in faithfulness, in goodness, in peace and perfection, in holiness, in forgiveness. The very essence of everything that He is and was and will be. The great I AM goes nowhere.
I have ridden the tossing and turning waves of the last year. I have seen things beyond comprehension, by His grace been shown things I did not deserve to see and yet have also known the storm, the pain and the furnace in the midst of the greatness and wonder. As Heidi has said and lives day by day, it is a cup of suffering as well as joy. The two come hand in hand and as much as I despise the suffering at times, I praise God that I can trust Him. When all else fails around me, when all else crumbles and falls, all I am left to realize to an even greater clarity is the even greater extent to which I can trust Him and entrust Him with everything. He goes nowhere. We do everything we can and live out of our flesh and our humaness, covered in the cancer of sin and yet over and over and over, instead of offense He offers love, instead of anger He extends grace and forgiveness, instead of turning His back and walking away, He is running with His arms outstretched, tears pouring down His beaming face to once again embrace the son, the daughter, that He loves and has given everything in eternity for.
I am undone by His mercy, His grace, His forgiveness and most of all His love. I have stood on the stormy sea and felt the wind whip my face, the boat no longer in sight. I cannot turn back, I asked Him to take me out of the boat, I asked to walk on water. It is me and Him now, nothing else, no security or comfort other that what I know in Him. Me and Him, eyes locked, almost a stand off as He asked me this year if I will continue to walk, continue to trust Him as the waves continue to beat against my feet, the gale battering my wind burnt cheeks. For so long this winter I have found myself crying "Jesus, I just can't", at the end of myself, frozen with fear, with tiredness, with uncertainty, with so much that cannot even be articulated. I chose to look at the waves, to stare at the wind. To trust the things that I saw and felt and knew, to trust my 'reality', my common sense, what I knew and to try and run to the boat behind, to choose comfort after all, to backtrack on where He has brought me, by my own asking. But the boat is nowhere to be seen...and I began to sink.
A human standing there would have walked away, would have been hurt, disappointed, rejected...so many things. We read Peter's story with criticising eyes and judgemental minds. But Jesus never criticised him. He never said a thing against him. The amount of grace extended to Peter throughout Jesus' life is astounding. We don't understand, it makes no sense to our human reasoning but the thing is...
...at least Peter got out of the boat.
It is a life lesson that I think I will learn and continue to learn until my dying day. I almost want to remain captive to human reasoning and the judgment and opinion of man for feeling of deserving it. Fear of man and fear of the unknown and circumstance had so quickly frozen me from the pure childlike thrill and delight of walking on the water, doing the impossible with Jesus. But Jesus never condemned him like we so often feel we should be. The ending of 2007 for me was not the failure that the world and my mind would have me believe it was. On the contrary. God is God. At the end of ourselves, there is more room for His rule and reign. I feel like I am so far from everything He has for me and then I discover the greatest new years present of all...I am right where He wants me, where He needs me. The only place where my pride is no longer, where my hands and prised open, nothing left, empty and broken, a place from which anything can happen. Him and me. Me and Him. My creator, my beloved, my best friend, my master, my everything....and I.
What does 2008 hold? I have no idea. Who will come on the journey along the way? Does it even matter any more? I trust Him. Everything of my world has crumbled and yet...
...He has not forsaken me, nor ever will.
Praise be to God the maker of heaven and earth. The earth is His tabernacle and I will praise Him for as long as I live simply because He is worthy. He is trustworthy and true. I can run to the far sides of the earth, to the deepest depths of the sea and He is there, He knows my thoughts before they form in my head. He is faithfulness. He is love. He is perfection. He is holy. He is in control.
He is everything.
Jesus, I only know one thing walking into this year on the waves, staring into your beautiful beautiful eyes and that is....
.....that I love you.
posted by Claire at 2:27 AM
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