My God is a God of utter abundance and today I am undone again.

Last night God did so very much between a friend and I which made my heart sing with delight. This, after what was a night of such undoing on the streets of my city, breaking my heart and thrilling it at the same time. After four hours sleep I awake and begin to try and work and then a courier comes to my door....

Four weeks ago I was soaking and as I always start, I wanted to talk to God about stuff to make sure it didn't hang around in my head for the hour of 'being still and meditating' in His most beautiful presence. I asked Him how much to expect from the conference weekend and He told me 1000. Yes, I know you have already heard that story. What you didn't hear was that I also immediately got an impression/vision in my head that was clear and then went. I saw a man walk up to me and hand me a mac and then walk away.

I was convinced that I had made it up, I have been desperate (and I mean desperate!) for a computer for six months although God has always provided one and I have never gone without for which I am so thankful and is a miracle in itself! The other two things were that to get a mac costs a fortune and even if someone did want to buy one for me....they would give me the money. And then this morning happened...

A courier is at my door...a guy...and he hands me a computer, I sign, he leaves, I realise I have just reenacted my vision...and I am stunned. I open the package knowing what it must be by now and staring back at me is a brand new top of the range macbook, packed with stuff.

Gripping the computer to my chest I fell on my knees and cried like a baby.

God has never ever made me go without. He has always provided, always made sure my clothes dont wear out and shoes are on my feet. Always provided a roof, food and I had a computer of some sort or other every single day I commited to admin. Never have I gone without. But the abundance of this morning...I was so very undone, I still am. That He would do that for me, that He would provide all that I need and the best of the best as well. No poverty spirit, I am daddy's girl :)


Thankyou Jesus...thank you so much

It is fair to say that I am a mess.

I am one total and complete mess. Today has been quite a day, a day of perspectives and just...I dont even know. Tonight we went out in groups of three as a cell group onto the streets of Southampton. I have been asking the Lord for a while now to show me the poor, His kids, just to ache as He aches. The other night I curled up in His heart and for the first time in so very long I began to ache as He aches, for His bride, for England, for those I saw in the vision in Mozambique.

Tonight we met some beautiful people on the streets. The first guy I knew from a year or so ago and it was so wonderful to get to pray for him. I even told him about my God who heals and has healed in Mozambique and he let me pray for his legs (which stop him working) without a flinch! How grateful hungry, open and caring he was, they all were. Then we met a guy who most likely was making up the majority of his story. What the heck, I just didn't care because what he was saying, wether real or not, was such truth. He said he chose to be on the streets cos he oversaw and looked after three squats and does what Jesus does. Jesus didn't accuse people or judge people, He bascially said "so you have issues....come here and let me love you". This guy on the street knew what so many of us have forgotten as we try to live pure and holy and righteous and all that stuff which is way important but he reminded us of the unconditional love of Christ. How long we spend not being able to accept His grace and His love. This is where Jesus would have hung out, these are who He would have loved....oh I ached for those He ached for.

And then, a girl runs up who is 16 years old. She is scatty and tells me she suffers from paranoia. Before I know it she is telling me that she has been incare since she was 3 and her mother is in prison. She has not had one birthday with her mother. Oh to love on her with abandon! When she has left we are told that she is already working the streets. A 16 year old, unloved prostitute. oh God oh God oh God!!! They live in squats right here in the center of the city. I do not know what to do, how or with whom. All I know is that God showed me His beloved, the ones He aches for and He set that ache within my heart. Prayer is brilliant and His timing essential, but He calls us to be His hands and feet....there must be a response?!

I sit here in the dark an dlisten to the whisper in my spirit of the Lord's voice. Not a loud shout, nor a voice like I have known before. An impression deep in my spirit of Him, His love, His heart, His voice, His intentions. The quieter I get in His presence, the more I know things. A quiet certainty. that is what i feel right now. Not even a voice or a phrase, just a quiet certainty. He is here. I am His. I am chosen. Nothing has changed. I am going to Africa this summer. I am going to spend some of my year shoulder to shoulder with the persecuted and oppressed. I do not look with natural eyes. I do not question it...I simply know.

I have been in this place before. It has been some time but I recognise this place, like the musty smell of old familiarity. Like returning home after months of journeying. Like the remnants of a grandparents perfume or a child's blanket. I know this place so well. I am in His heart. I am consumed by Him, ravished by Him, lost in Him. I sit somehow curled in the very chambers of His heart, resting against the strong yet gentle beating of the walls. Never ending, never missing a beat. Faithfulness in every pulse. Every beat strong and yet yearning, longing, a deep beat that contains every bit of His delight and every bit of His grief and longing for His lost. I lay here in total peace and total rest and yet I lay here aching with His ache for those who are so lost and do not even know.

I ache so deeply inside it is like my very being is slowly being dismantled by conflicting emotion. Papa, please may I never leave here. Papa, I love to be with you, I long to be with you, in your very heart, totally surrounded, totally consumed, hearing nothing but you, silence in a constantly busy mind. Nothing but peace and the deep deep knowledge that many things will be and many things are...simply certain because of who you are...oh Papa would I never leave this place! And yet I ache because He aches. You cannot be here long before you ache also. He aches as He looks each one in the eye, as He holds them, loves them, heals them, calls them, feeds them. I ache for the orphan and the outcast. I ache for the broken and the rejected, the ones who have been called nothing. I ache especially for the nameless and the abandoned or the kidnapped. I ache because He aches and soon it is the ultimate dichotomy. At the same time my body and spirit are totally at peace, totally enveloped in His overwhelming love and yet also the blood begins to rush through my ears, my heart quickening in pulse and the ache growing stronger and stronger that I know I must go. I know I must follow and obey and love without measure. Love even if they dont understand me. Love even when they cannot receive it. Love because He loves and because I ache with His ache. Oh Papa, teach me how to bring your children home! Oh Papa that none of them would stay lost and cold and orphan! Oh Papa this place is too beautiful for them to stay in the cold without name or recognition. Oh Papa bring in your bride through me!!!

And so I yield again and again and again and I ask Him to bring me here often. No longer for me anymore, but to remember, that I may beat in rhythm with Him and ache as He aches. That in this place I would take the time to ask...

Papa...how are you today?

Oh God. Oh glorious beautiful majestic God whom I fear and I love with holy trembling, oh mighty awesome God..oh daddy. Would you take this offering, this yielded life. All I have and all I am again and teach me once more.

I love you.

firstly...ok um, a few weeks ago during a soaking session I heard the Lord tell me "1000" over and over. I was sure I was making it up, I had added together what I could potentially make in profit from my artwork and it wasnt even possible! I told myself I was making it up and couldnt hear God. Anyways, this weekends conference was wonderful. I found it hard to engage at times, these past few months have been a major struggle, time of processing and just being desperate and healing. God met me inthis place and although at times it was intense and difficult, He is so very very good. Physically my body was really attacked saturday morning but felt better by the afternoon as was on the stall solidly literally all day! I think I may have recruited for Harvest school and Iris more than sold paintings but I was so blessed by peoples comments, encouragements and just the way the paintings were obviously speaking to people, as well as quite how many friends I have supporting me and praying with me and believing with me...I am more blessed than I have words for. I know so many without a community and I am overwhelmed with the family and friends God has given me for sure. Anyways, so I met other prophetic artists and made wonderful connections which was great and then sobbed my heart out through nearly the whole meeting. A friend of mine began to prophesy over me "I see planes and planes and planes, loads of travelling!" After all of that, I came home :)

Sunday was a veg out day. I counted the money and it was about £400, £200 of which covered my manufacturing costs. It was so hard not to be disappointed but I tried really hard to be actively grateful and praise God that He provided money! Then, Sunday night I get a phone call from a good friend of mine. He told me that he wanted to buy me a CAMERA!!!! it is PERFECT oh my GOSH and I was blown away. Monday morning came and another good friend of mine (Oh God I dont deserve all of these!) had been told by the Lord to invest in the younger generation as her inheritance. She handed me a check for £400!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God said "count it all". I laid all my money out and began to count. He told me to include in the price of the camera and when I did I began to scream...on the paper read £1000.70!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THEN....not even half an hour from the beginning of my screaming fit, I got an email inviting me to ASIA!!!!!!!!!! I knew there was something I was meant to be doing with youth this year, that I wasnt going to be going on an outreach extension and that when Shara had mentioned Asia last summer I freaked out.....this all fitted PERFECTLY!!!! I was totally blown away and spent the rest of the evening screaming and shouting and laughing and rejoicing!

So.......although I dont have a dime of the money I need for a plane flight, it would appear I am off to Asia as well as Africa and America this year!!! hahahahahahaha!!!!