This summer I go to Holy given school of missions in Pemba, Mozambique (www.irismin.com/hgschool) actually, i leave next week!

But unlike some who are packing for a three month stint, I have moved out of my house but not moving to anywhere else and therefore have spent this past week packing everything I own, discovering i have hardly any storage anywhere and therefore having to throw so incredibly much of it away.

It is intriguing because I was so sure that material possessions held no value to me any more, if someone wandered in and was like "oo i like that" i would not think twice to say "take it, its yours" and just give it to them. My levels of sentimentality, by the grace of God and taught through 10 house moves in one year, have been drastically reduced. And yet i discovered this week that i still noticed the cost, it still cost me something to give away my clothes, things bought at certain times or by certain people, stuff i have collected or used or 'needed'. I have discovered that I valued far more than I thought and that in allowing others to just take it without knowin the value, I have had to truly understand that I either love the things that will perish, or that which is eternal. I cannot have both to the degree which I wanted. If I want to see kingdom break forth and to be able to drop all and go anywhere, I need to first evaluate how tightly I hold onto 'stuff' whatever that may be. This is merely my calling and everyone's is different and I have also learned how much Go does not require or desire we live in poverty or with a poverty mindset, He loves to show His abundance and provide for us, to watch us enjoy that which He provides and give us good gifts. But if I confess with my mouth to being willing to give up all, sell and give the money to the poor and be 'girded up' to go wherever and whenever He says go, then I have to live it out.

Therefore my conclusion today has been this; It is okay to be a reluctant missionary ;) there is such an abundance of grace as we begin to walk and try and do what He is asking us to do and what is planted so firmly in my heart, we dont have to be able to do everything all at once, learning is allowed! Giving things away and throwing things away was hard, my stuff is my history, representative of the place from which I have come and yet...

..I discover that infact, this is not really about the stuff at all, it is about commitment. In doing this, there is no turning back. I stand on the waves, back to the boat and I begin to take my baby steps into that which is going to be the rest of my life. This summer, this week in fact, is my commitment to the Lord that I have always professed with my lips, finally demonstrated in my actions. I am good at speaking and scribing, explaining and justifying, but to walk this out, to show God by my actions that I truly do trust Him to be my Jehovah Jireh, I am walking...

...and my reluctance begins to turn to a twinkling eyed resolute.

Bring on Mozambique...and the breaking forth of heaven on earth :)