I am running, but I dont know what from
I am fearful in a safe safe land
I am knocked down once more, dont know how much I can take

I am let down again and againby those I trust, is it them is it me?
Why does it bother me so?
Why do I have to learn about grace the hard way?

I dont wanna acept it, it feels like I am lifting a steaming rubbish ofering to the Lord.
How can He still want me?
How can He hear my cries after all I do?

And all i need to do is worship.
when all is said and done and precious friends are so few
All i need to do is worship
All I need, oh all I need is you.

Your grace is sufficient for me

Your strength is made perfect

when i am weak

all that i cling to

I lay at your feet

your grace is sufficient

your grace is sufficient

your grace is sufficient

for me

OMW a thought just struck me that is so fundamanental in its nature and yet so overlooked in churches and life where, in the words of Heidi "if God doesnt show up we can just sing another song or do a little dance" that it is positively becoming my new daily prayer and hearts cry.

I know I want to be dependant on Him. I know I want Him to be my first and my last, but now I know how much...I want to be dependant on Him enough that not being led by Him and His Holy Spirit in ANYTHING would be as ludcrous as the Israelites no longer following the cloud and fire in the middle of the desert. Me leaving Him, the church leaving Him or not being led as dependantly by Him would be the same (as Bill JOhnson points out) as the Israelites saying "the supernatural inistry necessary too get them out of Egypt was no longer necessary to have them enter the promised land. After all, they have these stone tablets..."

Can you IMAGINE?!?! If they walked away from that cloud for a second, they would have had no food, no direction, no water most likely, nothing. They would be stranded, destitute, starving and hopeless. And yet what happened when they did follow the cloud? For forty years they were fed by miracles, saw the glory of the Lord before and behind them, watched Moses glow after speaking to the Lord face to face, saw miraculous healings, understood the true nature and fear of the Lord. Yes, there was complacency and whining within that...but dont you want to be THAT dependant? Praise you Jesus. Always.

Oh Beloved Pemba :)

Am I losing my Holy hunger? am I becoming the cynical person I left behind? Am i trying to recreate that which I no longer have? Oh God I want you so bad and it feels like the longer I am here I cant find you and yet I will not move until i have found you, because if i cannot find you here, who says i will SUSTAINABLY find you anywhere else? should i live and stay in a plac of revival? no! I need to find my sustainability in YOU! so that I may go wherever and however you send me. Oh God oh God, please teach me, please teach me. I love you so so so much

"If we continually try to bring back those exceptional moments of inspiration, it is a sign that it is not God we want. We are becoming obsessed with the moments when God did come and speak with us, and we are insisting that He do it again. But what God wants us to do is to "walk by faith." - O.chambers

oh, and what it means to be a Jeremiah? -your very LIFE is prophetic. hmm

Isaiah 45

2 I will go before you and will level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. 3 I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.

5 I am the LORD, and there is no other; apart from me there is no God. I will strengthen you, though you have not acknowledged me, 6 so that from the rising of the sun to the place of its setting men may know there is none besides me. I am the LORD, and there is no other. 7 I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the LORD, do all these things.

9 "Woe to him who quarrels with his Maker, to him who is but a potsherd among the potsherds on the ground. Does the clay say to the potter, 'What are you making?' Does your work say, 'He has no hands'? 11 "This is what the LORD says— the Holy One of Israel, and its Maker: Concerning things to come, do you question me about my children, or give me orders about the work of my hands? 12 It is I who made the earth and created mankind upon it. My own hands stretched out the heavens; I marshaled their starry hosts.

18 For this is what the LORD says— he who created the heavens, he is God; he who fashioned and made the earth, he founded it; he did not create it to be empty, but formed it to be inhabited— he says: "I am the LORD, and there is no other

So yeah....they want me to be a nurse out in Mozambique cos its such a valuable skill that they desperately need us but being reasinably new and not having a clue bout wounds and tropical med i preliminarily said no cos i was terrified about the idea! but they really want me as a nurse so i prayed bout it and God met with me in the service on sunday which, to be honest, wasnt very spirit filled it would apear but God just swept me up! woot! and showed me something soooooooo kewl. I was back in the clinic in Mozambique and the doctor was gonna debride (cut and clean) a girl's ulcer without anaesthetic cos we dont have any, and i know what normally happens, they scream and scream and its horrid.

Well...

In this vision, i stopped the doctor and started to sing in tongues with the girl and i think i put on some music, not sure, and we sang and sang in daddys lap and she was in heaven on her face and I nodded to the doctor and for a split second she looked scared but i told her to keep singing in the languages of heaven and even as she had tears down her cheeks, she stayed in that place of worship with Jesus and the Holy Spirit was there working with us. How COOOOOL is that?! the idea that we can work as medical professionals WITH the Lord Jesus? nurse and the great physician? that He can heal AS WE HEAL; they are NOT mutually exclusive!

What radicalness does that bring to medicine?! So now i know if i am gonna nurse, it will be ok, cos i wil just assist Him :-) i felt so excited and empowered bout this, the idea that HE can be our painrelief, our anaesthetic and our salve!

So the teddy...

"Two nights ago He showed me a vision of me clutching a raggedly old mangled teddy bear. It represented the past, things of comfort, sentimentalty etc etc. There was and is nothing wrong with hugging that bear either, just to point out. BUt He showed me that if I would only let go of the bear, He would fill my empty arms with whatI have prayed for, people, children, HIs fruit, His glory revealed through HIs works. But you cant hold with full arms. And then i remembered. There were only two times i cried through the two months in ghana a few years ago. Once when a 4day old died as i loved on her and wiped the blood from her mouth and noone cared, and once...

..when we were at the orphanage. The children were treated so poorly and all humanitarian aid was (unbeknown at this point to us) being diverted and locked into a back room where we found it but was actually being sold to raise money for the orphanage keeper. The kids never saw it, they had two sets of clothes each almost and they ate barely anything. Their toys were literally garbage. Bits of dolls, mangled and chewed up, rotten halves of teddy bears if that...we were so heartbroken over these kids and found this treasure trove so got all the new toys out and put them on their beds or them and took their old toys out the back to burn them so they could have their new ones. We tried so hard to explain about the whole new toys thing but they had never received nething new before, they couldnt imagine it, understand it or accept it and what happened next brought me to tears for hours. As we burned all the garbage that was around the site including these rotten toys that we had replaced, even though the kids knew about the new toys, they couldnt believe they were for them and we had to try and hold them back as the most desperate were running into the flames to try and retrieve their mangled burned pieces of plastic. It broke my heart, totally broke me. And yet.....is this not a vivid picture of ourselves? Of the church? Of us clinging just like the vision of the bear, just like the kids in the flames, to the old stuff because of a fear of impermanance or non existence of the new? Are we willing to let go of all the stuff we cling to even if it means our arms are empty for a while, to inherit and receive the armloads of promise we have asked God for and wait expectantly for? "

All of a sudden I have realised what that bear represents. Its not all things airy fairy, it is one of the dearest and closest people to me who I love with probably too much of my heart. When I asked God to break me and kill me, I only had a small idea of what that would mean and hat He might actually do it. The thing is, it is not that God is sadistic or stuff, but He has a huge number of people and promises He cant give to me with my arms full. Thats what I have realised. He wants all of me, He is so jealous, so abundant, so generous, so so so generous and loves me so much. I want to give Him everything and give up everything, but giving up costs us everything, it rips out our heart, it breaks us to the point of no return, it caues grief and pain and a death of flesh until every breath belongs to Him. If I wanna see the dead raised and nations come to Him, I, this little jar of clay, have to lay down and die for it, give up whatever is taking a palce in my heart that Jesus wants. He does not call me to despise my friendships, merely to trust He wants to fill my arms with new toys and curently I am clinging so hard to the one raggedly small one I think is the best it will be and is filling up those arms. He wants to give me stuff, I need to let go. I dont doubt He will give it back, but that doesnt mean i can not fully let go. God oh God oh God oh God this hurts. But I love you more than life, more than my friendships, more than my family, more than my heart, more than my ministry, I love you YOU you. Thankyou for the privelidge of laying down everything for you. Show me anything that still has my heart more than you, show me anything I value that I may give it to you, I give you everything. Amen x

So much has the Lord shown me, if you wanna watch the thing that sparked it go to www.fathersglory.com/insp/Rolland_&_Heidi_Baker.htm and watch "laid down lover - toronto 2004" but yeah...

So the whole adoption thing, knowing our daddy chose us, we are His, we belong in HIs family, we are chosen, chosen, chosen. And beyond that, I have been praying lately about sacrifice, at what point do I find myself saying to the Lord "thus far and no further" ? mterial possessions? time? relationships? location? even my living breathing life or my dignity? where is it that I have not surrendered to Him yet and do I want to? can I? honestly, do i want to lay down my ife entirely? I know He will bless me either way and I do not lose my inheritance or His love cos it doesnt depend on what i do or dont do, but how much do I want to give Him and how much fruit is my heart praying for? If I am praying the prayer I have prayed since I was tiny for revival, to see the sick healed etc etc, am i willing to pay the price even if it means my very breathing life? And there are the other things i know I still cling onto up to a point...He broke me over these, I do give Him everything, truly everything because I love HIm, I love HIm so much. He reminded me however...

Two nights ago He showed me a vision of me clutching a raggedly old mangled teddy bear. It represented the past, things of comfort, sentimentalty etc etc. There was and is nothing wrong with hugging that bear either, just to point out. BUt He showed me that if I would only let go of the bear, He would fill my empty arms with whatI have prayed for, people, children, HIs fruit, His glory revealed through HIs works. But you cant hold with full arms. And then i remembered. There were only two times i cried through the two months in ghana a few years ago. Once when a 4day old died as i loved on her and wiped the blood from her mouth and noone cared, and once...

..when we were at the orphanage. The children were treated so poorly and all humanitarian aid was (unbeknown at this point to us) being diverted and locked into a back room where we found it but was actually being sold to raise money for the orphanage keeper. The kids never saw it, they had two sets of clothes each almost and they ate barely anything. Their toys were literally garbage. Bits of dolls, mangled and chewed up, rotten halves of teddy bears if that...we were so heartbroken over these kids and found this treasure trove so got all the new toys out and put them on their beds or them and took their old toys out the back to burn them so they could have their new ones. We tried so hard to explain about the whole new toys thing but they had never received nething new before, they couldnt imagine it, understand it or accept it and what happened next brought me to tears for hours.

As we burned all the garbage that was around the site including these rotten toys that we had replaced, even though the kids knew about the new toys, they couldnt believe they were for them and we had to try and hold them back as the most desperate were running into the flames to try and retrieve their mangled burned pieces of plastic. It broke my heart, totally broke me. And yet..

...is this not a vivid picture of ourselves? Of the church? Of us clinging just like the vision of the bear, just like the kids in the flames, to the old stuff because of a fear of impermanance or non existence of the new? Are we willing to let go of all the stuff we cling to even if it means our arms are empty for a while, to inherit and receive the armloads of promise we have asked God for and wait expectantly for?

God oh God oh God oh God
Fill my arms with your Children.
Fill my heart with your love
Fill my house with your needy, broken, lost abandoned
Fill my mind with your will and gospel
Fill my time with your work
Fill my life with you

God oh God oh God oh God
Its killing me
Dont let it stop
Never let it stop
Kill me more
break me more
Make me more vunerable
Make my neck pliable, Make my heart melt
Break every hardened edge
Bash down every concrete wall

God oh God oh God oh God
Let it be soon
Let it be forever
Let me see you and clothe you and feed you and take care of you
Please let me love your children
Please let me love the lost
please let me call in your bride

God oh God oh God oh God
Teach me how to abide in you
I want to be a fruitful vine
Teach me how to abide
Kill me so I can abide
Possess me completely
I want to be a fruitful vine

God oh God oh God oh God
I see them and I bleed
I cry I weep
Let this not just be for a night
But reveal yourself to me as I wait for you in this bridal chamber

Continue to break me
Please ruin me

Change me forever
Change me
Change me forever
Change me forever

(March 10, 2006)

Patricia King: "Leaning on Your Beloved -- 'If you humble Yourself In this Season, You Will Experience Fresh Empowerment in the Next'"

Leaning on Your BelovedThe Lord says, "This is a year of many shifts and changes. Trust in Me with all your heart, and do not lean to your understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Me, and I will show Myself strong on your behalf. I will make your way straight as you wait on Me. I will grant you sound wisdom and counsel from above, but you must turn your heart towards Me completely. I will bless you beyond your wildest imaginations if you will trust Me completely."Eat of the Tree of Life"Do not even lean on the good things that you learned from Me in the past. If you do, you could be tempted to go into your own understanding to process what I am leading you into. The understanding you received in the past is not a big enough container to hold what I am about to reveal to you in this hour. Do not eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, but, rather, eat of the tree of life." Return to Your First Love"This is a time to return to your first love and to put Me first beyond all else. This is a time for worship, prayer, and listening as you meet with Me in the tent of meeting. Turn away from all that distracts you, and lean unto Me, for I have great things to reveal to you as you draw into My presence. If you trust in the grace that has lingered upon you from years gone by and continue in distraction, then your light will grow dim and your influence will weaken for it is only in Me that you find life, strength, and light. It is dangerous for you to fail to return to your first love, but it is life to you if you draw close. I am waiting for you. I am longing for you."Great Manifestations of Power, Miracles, Signs and Wonders"You will witness great manifestations of My power, My miracles, My signs and My wonders in the coming days. I am looking for true disciples who will humble themselves before Me and for those who will walk in complete dependency upon My Spirit. I am looking for those whose heart is completely Mine--those I can call My bondservants and handmaidens. I will pour out My Spirit upon them. I am looking for those who will truly wait on Me, allowing the fresh bread of heaven to fill them. You will see new things spring forth in My Body, and some of the old will fade and fail if there is not a response to come into My presence for fresh strategy. The systems of man's understanding will war against the understanding My Spirit will bring forth in this hour. Abide in Me."Listen for the Lord's Voice Alone"Only in My presence will you find understanding and strength. Many voices will say to you go this way or that way, but as you listen for My voice alone, you will find the wisdom that you long for. You will hear Me say, 'This is the way, walk in it.' Those that wait upon Me shall be clothed with power from On High. Those that wait for My word will experience breakthrough."Called to Humility and the Secret Place"If you humble yourself in this season, you will experience fresh empowerment in the next. If you meet with Me in the secret place in this season, you will be greatly rewarded in the next. My promise to you is for expansion, enlargement, fruitfulness, and increase."Called into His Presence"Come into My presence, and I will reveal things to you that your eye has not seen, that your ear has not heard, and neither has it even entered your heart. Come into My presence, and I will fill you with My counsel. Come into My presence, and I will empower you. Come into My presence, and I will prosper you. You are My delight, and I will raise you up in this hour if you lean upon Me." Scriptures to Meditate on:(Song of Solomon 8:5) "Who is this coming up from the wilderness leaning on her beloved? Beneath the apple tree I awakened you..."(John 13:23) "Now there was leaning on Jesus' bosom one of His disciples, whom Jesus loved."(Revelation 2:4,5,7) "But I have this against you that you have left your first love. Therefore remember from where you have fallen and repent and do the deeds you did at first; or else I am coming to you and will remove your lamp stand out of its place -- unless you repent.He who has an ear let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will grant to eat of the tree of life which is in the Paradise of God."(Proverbs 3:5,6) "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own nderstanding.In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."(Exodus 33:9, 11) "Whenever Moses entered the tent, the pillar of cloud would descend and stand at the entrance of the tent; and the Lord would speak with Moses. Thus the Lord used to speak to Moses face to face, just as a man speaks to his friend..."

Prayer Directives:

1. Pray for grace to come upon the Body to seek the face of the Lord.

2. Pray that God's people (especially leaders) will not lean to their own understanding.

3. Pray for a spirit of humility to come upon the Body.

4. Pray for the restoration of "first love" in the Body.

5. Pray for increased ability to hear the voice of the Lord.

6. Pray for deeper levels of worship in the Body.

7. Pray for the release of revelation from the presence of the Lord.

8. Pray for His wisdom and counsel to be made known.

9. Pray for complete abandonment of our lives unto Him (the bondservants and the handmaidens).

10. Pray for times of refreshing in the presence of the Lord for all God's people.

Patricia KingExtreme Propheticwww.extremeprophetic.com

There are two lessons tonight that the Lord leads me to share. I have been quiet of late, partly due to busyness coupled with apathy (such a horrible combination quashing all fruitfulnes) and partly because I will not write what I am not living, I will not allow my words to create a hypocrit of me. And therefore I have been quiet. However.

Tonight He showed me something, reminded me in fact, of something that occured previous to my first ever sermon aged 14. He taught me a great lesson in my tiny bedroom that He repeated this evening.

Candles.

He had me turn off all the lights and just sit in the dark. The dark consumes everything, it fills every space, every crevice, like water and air and yet there is another dimension to the dark, of itself, it remains unchallenged and hides everything. However, light a candle and so much of the dark is chased away immediately. Wherever there is light, dark simply cannot remain. It is not a fight or a battle, it simply is no longer present. That was lesson one btw. Equally; He pointed out something else significant whilst I watched the candle flicker in my dark room. He pointed out that sinister shadows only appear once the light is shining. When dark is not challenged, it remains dark and everything is hidden. But when light appears, so do shadows. I do not know the full implication or metaphor of shadows, but He reminded me of when I was a kid and He spoke of all this and therefore I merely write as a kid, simplistic parrallels between the natural and spiritual worlds that coexist and yet which we find so hard to comprehend. So finally, He called me to remember and understand the importance of shining light in teams and that light only makes an impact, when it is SHONE in the DARKNESS. Light in light simply does not have impact.

Once He had spoken to me about the candle, about my fruitfulness (or lack thereof) and why when I start after Him, fear and attack increase (shadows) He had me read the following;

John 15
The Vine and the Branches

1"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. 5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
9"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. 11I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. 14You are my friends if you do what I command. 15I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 17This is my command: Love each other

Oh Lord, make me fruitful. Teach me intimacy. Kill me, I really mean it, please kill me that I might be a grafted branch onto YOUR vine, not trying to graft you onto mine. Oh Jesus Oh Jesus Oh Jesus Oh Jesus. I love you. Please do it, please ruin me, please kill me, please wreck me. Show me your glory Lord. I wanna live in your heart. Oh God oh God. amen forever amen. I am yours.

There are two lessons tonight that the Lord leads me to share. I have been quiet of late, partly due to busyness coupled with apathy (such a horrible combination quashing all fruitfulnes) and partly because I will not write what I am not living, I will not allow my words to create a hypocrit of me. And therefore I have been quiet. However.

Tonight He showed me something, reminded me in fact, of something that occured previous to my first ever sermon aged 14. He taught me a great lesson in my tiny bedroom that He repeated this evening.

Candles.

He had me turn off all the lights and just sit in the dark. The dark consumes everything, it fills every space, every crevice, like water and air and yet there is another dimension to the dark, of itself, it remains unchallenged and hides everything. However, light a candle and so much of the dark is chased away immediately. Wherever there is light, dark simply cannot remain. It is not a fight or a battle, it simply is no longer present. That was lesson one btw. Equally; He pointed out something else significant whilst I watched the candle flicker in my dark room. He pointed out that sinister shadows only appear once the light is shining. When dark is not challenged, it remains dark and everything is hidden. But when light appears, so do shadows. I do not know the full implication or metaphor of shadows, but He reminded me of when I was a kid and He spoke of all this and therefore I merely write as a kid, simplistic parrallels between the natural and spiritual worlds that coexist and yet which we find so hard to comprehend. So finally, He called me to remember and understand the importance of shining light in teams and that light only makes an impact, when it is SHONE in the DARKNESS. Light in light simply does not have impact.

Once He had spoken to me about the candle, about my fruitfulness (or lack thereof) and why when I start after Him, fear and attack increase (shadows) He had me read the following;

John 15
The Vine and the Branches

1"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. 5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.
9"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. 11I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. 14You are my friends if you do what I command. 15I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 17This is my command: Love each other

Oh Lord, make me fruitful. Teach me intimacy. Kill me, I really mean it, please kill me that I might be a grafted branch onto YOUR vine, not trying to graft you onto mine. Oh Jesus Oh Jesus Oh Jesus Oh Jesus. I love you. Please do it, please ruin me, please kill me, please wreck me. Show me your glory Lord. I wanna live in your heart. Oh God oh God. amen forever amen. I am yours.

The power of belonging
This weekend God has taught me such a great deal about family, about belonging, about adoption, about love, about what it all means and how very very precious it is. I forget so easily, not having the same relationship with my family as Im sure many of u americans do have, we live far away and my grandparents i see most often i still hadnt seen for two years. Its npt that i dont love them or dont wanna see them, we just never realy get round to it. But this weekend God bridged so many awkward gaps, he filled in the space normally taken up by irritability, He came into the place where familiarity has in the past bred sarcasm and frustration. He came this weekend, and I cannot praise HIm enough. He performed a miracle in getting me a day off today with less than 24 hours notice, i have no idea how they gave it to me but it was a full blown miracle whatever anyone says. And He just bridged so many gaps, just shone through, i ended up taking at length with my grandparents about the Lord, about Holy Spirit, about Jesus and us and my future and their church, tonnes of stuff. I curled up with my gran on the bench in the garden outside under the evening sun and realised for the first time in so many years of just taking my family for granted, how very very deeply i love them. I write all this for my benefit not yours i suppose, noone can understand quite what i am saying or mean or have been but generally;

God gave me a new depth of insight into the power of belonging. Thats the crux of it all. He has challenged me again and again that unless we are forgiven we cannot forgive, unless we are loved...wait, unless we RECEIVE love, unless we ACCEPT it and LET IT take place...we cannot show love, the same with grace, forgiveness, mercy, joy, freedom. To give it we have got to have revelation of what God has done and does daily, hourly, minutely for us. To freely give we must freely receive, oh how often do I do that the wrong way round! And yet,that is it. and so He showed me afresh, anew. So much so it almost hurts to be honest. However much I love being here, there was something so significant, so important about finding pictures of mysef aged 3, 5, 9, 14 on the walls of the house, pictures of my mother and father and aunts and uncles in their wedding clothes, to know that not only was i wanted, but i was treasured, talked about, boasted about and BELONGED. I do not say this as a 'my ego was inflated this weekend' because to be honest it did quite the opposite. I was so so so humbled. When we get revelation of the power of family and of love and of belonging, we understand its importance and long to give it to others. I pray for deeper and deeper revelation so that by the time I am on the mission field, God might give me a family, children upon children that I can love and mother and with me, can belong. Their photos on my fridge, their names upon their door, their own toys, own presents, own beds, own identity. Adopted.

And it leads me to the most profoud revelation, one that has not fully sunk in yet...we are adopted. That same sense of belonging can and does occur with our Father in heaven. I wait for the day when I realise that one in its fullness. Can u imagine the ramifications in every single ounce and aspect of our lives?! More Lord! MAIS DEUS! MAIS PAI CELESTIAL! MAIS SANTO SPIRITO!!! Bem-dito o Deus e Pai de nosso Senhor Jesus Cristo, o qual nos abençoou com todas as bênçãos espirituais nos lugares celestiais em Cristo. (Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ) Para louvor e glória da sua graça, pela qual nos fez agradáveis a si no Amado. (To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved.)

Gloria, gloria gloria. Amen