I have to start jounralling again, that is for sure, I have spent far too much time with Jesus and yet not telling of all HE has said and is teaching me, if He is to be my divine teacher, He asked me this morning, to please write it and consolidate all the things HE will be teaching me over this year with Him. Today Hw has been teaching me about waiting. Indeed OSwald chambers yesterday was all about who is initiating and who is responding. the thing is, we are so quick to initiate and hope that God responds, we tire ourselves out doing it adn there is no fruit. as guy chevreau points out, we are flapping and sweating under the curse instad of soaring on the thermals that WE DONT CREAtE but that we detect while we wait. They do not flap, they simply wait on the timing and placing of air thermals. Equally in the spirit realm we are so quick to initiate and flap around trying to get somewhere where Gods spirit is not leading.

I was so humbled by the oswald chambers reading which stated that the only adequate response to the question posed to ezekiel when asked 'son of man can these bones live?' was 'you alone know O lord'. I was so gobsmacked and humbled and it very quickly got me onto my face. How often do I present religious or theological answers, answers to everything about God, why he does or doesnt do stuff, when and how, what we should do etc etc, I am a fixer of things and in some capacitys that is my gifting, but i was challenged, how often do i step back and say 'You alone know"? There is a distinct humility in that statement recognsiing our weakness an Gods soveriegnty that he knows the decision and that it is His to make.

In our lives too, we can be quick to demand things of Him and to initiate the 'works' of God that we see fit to pursue. It is laziness that causes us to be busy, busyness is the easy way out. In Hebrews it charges us to labor to rest because it takes hard work and strength to wait on God, wait for the thermals, rest. The thing is, waiting means that we raise up "old demons of fear, worry, doubt and mistrust. Waiting on God shakes us to the very core of our being again and again as we get settled one more time: can we trust God enough to let HIM be in control?" - Guy chevreau

The thing is, I have been so convicted about the scret place and about brokeness and humility. I am still far too prideful, far too much of me and not enough of HIm in my life, I am not broken enough yet, I am not humble enough yet, I need to spend more time on my face I need to have killed my rebellious spirit, my prideful spirit, my flesh which rises up against that which God wishes to pour out, the doubt i occasioanlly allow to glimpse back into my mind, all of it must die so that He might live. And taking up that cross is gonna be every single day. I see that now. Oh that I would nver ever stop seeking HIm to this degree all the days of my life, I never want to go back to where I was and where I almost saw again today when I had not dedicated a good solid amount of time to him this morning, Oh Lord, help me not to lose this please.

In terms of intimacy, today I learned my most profound lesson of all, again from guy's book
"turnings". In the story qhich has always puzzled me of the disciples being unable to cast out a demon which Jesus manages to easily, they ask why they couldnt and HE replied "this kind only comes out with prayer and fasting" listen...and really LISTEN...to what Guy has to say in response ot this and recognise the beautiful character of our God... "Previous;y I understood that statement in terms of acheivement. If we logged enough hours in pryer and missed enough meals, somehow, somewhere, then the cosmic balance would tip from curse to blessing. But Jesus never speaks mechanistically. His is ever a call to relationship. The word to the disciples is not a call to do something in order to accomplish something else, but rather yet another call to abide. When Jesus says "This kind only comes out by prayer and fasting" He is saying...

"SPIRITUAL AUTHORITY IS NURTURED ONLY IN THE SECRET PLACE"

Are you getting this?

Then I shall leave it there. Obrigada senor (Thankyou Lord). Alleluia. Amen

It is time to journal for the evening. The Lord has continued to pour HImself out today and do great and mighty works, praise His name! He is so gracious and generous to me, I am so humbled by how much hHe answers my cry for more and pours is spirit and presence into me that I might remain full to pour out into others and sing His praise. I could try and explain how it feels, the constant well in your stomach loning to be filled, crying out for more of Him, all you can do in response is to pray and worship and talk to Him. I only write this so that I wont ever lose this, so that I wont ever reason it away or lose grip of that which the Lord has done. I want to be ever hungry, ever seeking His face and His glory, His Kingdom on earth. YOUR WILL BE DONE ON EARTH AS IN HEAVEN!! Seek FIRST His kingdom and His righteousness! why do i get the feeling this wont be the last post i write on what it truly means to seek His kingdom on earth and the results of that?!Today however a few things struck me, the main one is our propensity to look for shortcuts. Microwave meals vs oven cooked, convinience stores instead of farm labor. What was one of Jesus temptations in the desert? "You are here to get back the keys to the earth, I have them, worship me (take a shortcut) and you can have them straight away, skip the horrific death thing all together" What conviction that brings! How often do we try and rush God, aks Him to do things on our schedule, ask Him to speed up the preparation, the secret place stuff He is doing? I wonder if it even goes as far as to grieve His heart when we do? Do we forget that once anointed, David spent another 10years with the sheep before He got his kingdom? Do we forget that during that time of preparation was when God did the greatest character building and the most important work to make him ready for what lay ahead? How often do we try and rush that which God has perfectly timed? I am once again laying it down, once again laying myself down, asking Him at every stage what the next thing is He wants me to do. o longer do i wanna second guess, try and rush what He is doing, espeically now when so much is at stake. I cannot afford to go into anything lightly, where would we be without God himself hemming us in before and behind?!In other thoughts, *smile* i dont even know if they make sense to write, but in other thoughts I have been so encouraged today that what God has done has such a permanance about it. This is not a fad that will come and go, I am not ona spiritual high, but i remain hidden in the shadow of his wing in such peace. I have seen God, touched Him, speak to Him and know HIm. again, i do not say that to provoke people to feel anything except to ignite the hunger within each of you to say "God if she can have it then so can I, i want more of you Lord, more of you!" ask Him, press in, it is the depserately hungry hearts which truly see the kingdom of God manifest here on earth. I have watched people crawl over other people to get to the front to be prayed for, I have seen hunger for God in four year old children face down in worship of their saviour, i have seen sick people well as their first line of response is to pray for healing, i have seen an 18yr old girl in tears on her knees asking for prayer because she wants more of Him and what she has is not enough....and she prays and worships for about five or six hours minimum a day. Do not get comfortable, do not stop pressing in, asking Him, pushing the boundaries, raising the bar. Test Him in this, ask for HIs promises to be fulfilled, remind yourself of what Jesus said we would do and see, then ask Him for it! HallelujahI have to sleep so i can get up for church tomoro (yipeee!) but I pray that this might begin to stir some of you. I feel He is asking us to wake up, wake up!!! You are His bride...how much will you love Him? How much will yuo run after Him? How much room do you wish to make for him in your life? If you are realy really honets with yourself, how much do you really want him? Answer that question, read psalm 63 and take it from there. It is worth it, He is worth it....Jesus, sweet sweet Jesus. :)

"When the bowl is already full, it only takes one drop for it to overflow"

It feels like I have been here for months. God has broken and accomplished so muc. Julia leaves this morning and Im gonna miss her. We have just returned from watching the blood red sun rise over the Indian ocean which was incredible and thoroughly inescribable, pictures do not do it justice in the slightest. The thing is, the Lord taught me some stuff from it which I know is an ongoing lesson in trust, doubt, faith and patience. At 5am the sky began to lightne and move through the shades of sunrise, blues and reds and yellows etc and yet the sun never apeared. Before long, the sky was almost day blue and it looked as though the sunrise had finished and it was only half an hour later when the sun itself broke the horizon in the most spectacular fashion. The thing is, I KNEW that the sun would come up, it always does, its not like its easy to miss or anything, there is nothing more inevitable than the sunrise and yet the longer we waited the more I began to doubt that I was right, the sky was blue already wasn't it? Maybe the sun had come up somewhere else or was hidden, creating bizzarre but convincing reasons to justify what I saw. I almost left to be honest cos my stomach was bad but God said wait and I am so glad I did. The thing is this...I know this sounds like a random and crazy story and you prob think im a bt of a fruitcake now ;) but in the same way, I have never had anyone healed I have laid hands on, or tonnes of signs and wonders and doubt has so quickly plagued me this week. God speaking and moving and His presence and existence is as inevitable as the sun being wihtin a sunrise. But it is HIM that is the one in control of that not us, all we have to do is trust, wait and have patience knowing that anything HE has said, WILL happen. God taught me such a humbling and important lesson in all of this therefore, He is much a God of the immediate as of patience. To doubt HIm, questions the very nature of God and inherently calls His word and promises a lie. There is aphrase that Donna just used which has ignite fire within my bones; 'raise the bar'. Dont ever settle, dont ever be satisfied and content and comfortable. Ask God for more of Him, wrestle and press in for more, hold HIm to HIs word, ask him, pursue Him, for His promises. If youv seen a healing, ask for five more, if youv seen five ask for a resurrection etc etc, raise the bar of your expectation.

My spirit was so heavy today. Partly becauase I am sick but partly...I'm not sure really. I suppose I felt lower than ever since Aaron and Brenda left. I know I will see them again, even have an inkling that I might visit them on their travels but I will shelve that for now. There are so many things I have had to shelve on this trip! Living in the "I just dont know!' as God has taught me to, giving it back to God and just focusing on HIs eyes and His beauty and so I can be free to worship, soak, pray and be in the secret intiate place with Him. This is what I had got wrong before I came; I believed wanting more and more of God for myself was selfish because there was so much ministry to do, people to love. Now I know that it is selfish NOT to seek God for myself to be poured into because unless you do you are dry and fruitless with nothing to share with others. If I am not soaked in HIm 24/7 I do not have an overflow to pour into others. Only from His cup, acn our prayer and miistry be enirely selfless and sustainable. Hallelujah I am beginning the wonderful, intimate, refreshing, beautiful journey into finding out how to live in the secret place.

This afternoon I spent time with Rosa and Chantel. I felt so heavy earlier that I had asked the Lord what He would have me do about it and He told me to go and spend time with Him. I knew the one place where that would be possible at any time and that would be to hang out with HIs daughters who spend every single day soaking and worshipping and praying, and I mean they go to school, eat, sleep and worship and pray.

Rosa is 18 and Chantal 16 and they are the greatest inspirations of my life, my new african little sisters. I went over to the dorm and my flesh was kicking up as it always does when I allow it and it doesnt wanna speak to Jesus and as I looked in, they were soaking on the floor so I decided to leave them to it as i didnt wanna disturb. As I walked away the Lord asked me...'who are you running from? them or me?" Conviction. I turned back just as someone called my name. Chantal had raised her head just far enuf off the floor to ask for me to join them. I went and entered the throne room for hours upon hours, I cried in HIs arms, He broke me more, He rocked and cradled me, I worshipped Him and they prayed for me and I them. Oh how I will miss the fellowship with these beautys. As she prayed for me, Chantal said that the Lord would remind me that just as Jesus' name is a beautiful one, He has given me my name and it is beautiful as well. She said my name means clarity (which makes me smile as God told me that a year ago) and that HE will be my joy and I will see clearly. Hallelujah. Thankyou Father.

Ok time for a quick whine cos ive been so good thus far ;)
I have two HUGE bites on my arm and tonnes on the insteps of my feet so walking is NOT pleasant! I also feel very rough and have a dodgy stomach, but thats ok, I rebuke it in the name of Jesus and keep seeking after Him. He'll sort it :)

I love watching the girls worshiping. Its all they do every single day. They dont care what anyone says or thinks, they just want more of HIm. More than once have they come to me in tears, sobbing cos they want more of Him so badly. Jesus, break me, make me even half what these girls are. Amen x

I praye a lot today, mostly in tears, in response to my request for HIm to break and wreck me...God did just that. Im broken, it hurts, it is raw, I see things about myself I would rather forget, I am naked infront of my beloved, I am stripped bare. As i am curled in the corner of the room I see my need to be chased, my need to be loved and yet my resistance to letting God be the one who fulfils that. So often haeve I put my need for this on fallible man which is why so often it has hit me so hard when I have been let down. I see the woman in Hosea form who God removed all other avenues of love and dependance out of a jealousy for His bride. I see my doubting heart and I watch as "I" creep back into the picture out of my sheer desperation to see a move of God and yet doubt that He will/can do it without me 'making' it happen. I see that He cannot yet flow freely through me because I will not let Him freely anywhere He desires to go, I have said thus far and no further to my Lord. He is killing my rebellious spirit, but there is level of self protection that prevents total abandoned vulnerability that He wants to remove, peel away. As I see myself in the future and my natural propensity to pride instea dof boasting in Christ when I see signs and wonders, I understand why on this trip in a place where hundreds of miracle are occuring, I only see one. I see my heart attitude todsay as I sit here crumpled up out of the sight of anyone, curled in His arms crying in repentance, Im so caught up in wanting to see a miracle, never satisfied, that I did not even fully 'see' the hundred or so adults and kids who received eternal life and were baptised in the water and spirit last sunday, my dissatisfaction and chasing after the things of God meant I missed the greatest move of God one can see, the receipt of salvation...Lord I am so so sorry.

*God spoke to me for a while*

I aksed to be brought down a peg or two, humbled a little...and He has floored me. I am reminded of the lesson I learned during my spech fast which I oh so quickly forgot. With or without me, Gods will will be done. It is not that I am worthless, merely that it is not about me to the point of total humility. He is God, not I. Who am I to advise the potter about the jar He is crafting? Not I, not I.

He taught me yesterday how to wait, the days before, how to love. Today holds two lessons aside from a reminder of who runs this show; how to 100% present...and how to remove myself. The first is that as soon as I am distracted, I cannot love as He would, the anointing leaves, the authority is not commanded because our/my mind is not stayed on that which God has asked me to do at that time. The second? It is learning that, as was preached this morning, trees without water cannot bear fruit. From now on, until maybe heaven itself, if at any point I am dry, not drinking, not present 100%, not fruitful, I am to recognise that I am better off not geting in the way of what God wants to do, and get out of there and get with Him until, I am usable again. For as logn as it takes, soaking, drinking, crying, eating, letting Him heal and love me as He cried into my heart just a few minutes ago. It is in this place of brokeness, pain and sorrow and peace I am discovering the deepest revelation. Earlier this week He got me inspired and excited, gave me a glimpse of what he has got in 'the works'. He is reaffirming HIs promises and showing just enough, cheeky smile on face, that I can praise and glorify Him that all is in hand!and just worship and obey But then? KNwoing what my future holds, the gravity and the magnitude of His plans, I so easily became proud and loked to my own strength, logic and ability. Oh Lord, I am so sorry, and I was so hurt once more whena friend let me down. ALthough a natural reaction, I know God caused that sitution that I may boast only in Him and find my security only in Him, it was the only way to break this stubborn spirit in me, to reduce me to a crumpled heap in the corner of a lonely room, His arms wrapped physically tightly around me. Oh Father...thankyou.

Hosea 2

2 "Rebuke your mother, rebuke her, for she is not my wife, and I am not her husband. Let her remove the adulterous look from her face and the unfaithfulness from between her breasts. 3 Otherwise I will strip her naked and make her as bare as on the day she was born; I will make her like a desert, turn her into a parched land, and slay her with thirst. 4 I will not show my love to her children, because they are the children of adultery.
5 Their mother has been unfaithful and has conceived them in disgrace. She said, 'I will go after my lovers, who give me my food and my water, my wool and my linen, my oil and my drink.' 6 Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way. 7 She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. Then she will say, 'I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now.' 8 She has not acknowledged that I was the one who gave her the grain, the new wine and oil, who lavished on her the silver and gold—which they used for Baal. 9 "Therefore I will take away my grain when it ripens, and my new wine when it is ready. I will take back my wool and my linen, intended to cover her nakedness. 10 So now I will expose her lewdness before the eyes of her lovers; no one will take her out of my hands. 11 I will stop all her celebrations: her yearly festivals, her New Moons, her Sabbath days—all her appointed feasts. 12 I will ruin her vines and her fig trees,
which she said were her pay from her lovers; I will make them a thicket, and wild animals will devour them. 13 I will punish her for the days she burned incense to the Baals; she decked herself with rings and jewelry, and went after her lovers, but me she forgot," declares the LORD.
14 "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. 15 There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day
she came up out of Egypt. 16 "In that day," declares the LORD, "you will call me 'my husband'; you will no longer call me 'my master. 17 I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips; no longer will their names be invoked. 18 In that day I will make a covenant for them with the beasts of the field and the birds of the air and the creatures that move along the ground. Bow and sword and battle I will abolish from the land, so that all may lie down in safety. 19 I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. 20 I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD. 21 "In that day I will respond," declares the LORD— "I will respond to the skies, and they will respond to the earth; 22 and the earth will respond to the grain, the new wine and oil, and they will respond to Jezreel. 23 I will plant her for myself in the land; I will show my love to the one I called 'Not my loved one.' I will say to those called 'Not my people, ' 'You are my people'; and they will say,
'You are my God.' "

I just woke up fomr a WEIRD dream.

Something is not at peace with me this morning. I had that strange dream, I have a dodgy stomach adn...I dont know. Maybe I was disappointd that someone who arranged something with me never showed up and forgot about me, sad that it bothered me as much as it did, but there ya go, I dont do well with being let down I suppose cos it has happened so often over my life. But enough with the sob stories! However, maybe I am just realising this trip ends soon or soemthing, not sure.

The electricity is stil out so its very hot! Its been in the 90's the whole time we've been here which is their autumn/winter! omw, i am so NOT coming here in summer unless God tells me to! LOL. In terms of feeling funky, I will NOT let my dreams affect me nor the attack that was in them, I am the daughter of the victorious king, period!

everytime I ask God for a scripture, He seems to take me to His gospel, His resurrection, His victory, His abundance. Lord, this trip you have been teaching me how to soar on the thermals with my new found eagles wings, how to acheive permanance, live in the anointing, asking you about everything. I feel almost like I am losing it, pleas please show me how to determine my mood only by you and who you are.

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God
How great, how great is our God

Hes the name above all names
Hes worthy to be praised
And il always sing
How great is our God

Hallelujah. Thankyou Lord for the quiet spirit you are instilling within me, one thatis beyond emotion but is the one that harbors the deep roted joy and peace you left with us by your spirit. May it always be the case within me so that I may only ever minister out of love adn contentment in you.

Mother Teresa said:

"Love until there is pain, then love through the pain, until all there is left is love"

Hallelujah, grace like rain, pours own on me
Hallelujah all my sins are washed away, washed away

I'm here, to meet with you
Come and meet with me
I'm here to meet with you
COme and meet with me

As I wait..you make me strong
As I long..draw me to your arms
As I run...and sing your praise
You come, you come and you fill this place
Please come, please come and fill this place.

This morning I read Mark 14 and I am intrigued by the fact that the woman pours an entire flask of oil on Jesus' feet and the disciples tell her off because of wasting it when the money it cost could have been given to the pour and Jesus rebukes them. THEN Judas decides to betray Jesus. It was out of irritation, offense, misunderstanding, annoyance. Convitction...wow. Nuff said on that one I think.

I shall leave it there and just pray that the Lord continues to do this work in breaking and killing what is left of me and cliniging on. Wreck me Lord, for your purpose, for your kingdom, for your glory. Amen xx

Today was sabbath so God taught meto rest and wait in His presence. He taught me how to stop nd not move on when He wants me to do stuff but to work and persevere through the discomfort, like when praying for people. We have such an eagerness to move on so often before He has finished, sometimes before He has begun!

We sat with the girls for much of the day and just kinda pootled around :)

Worshipped for 4/5 hours this afternoon with Rosa and Chantel praise Jesus. There is noone who hs influenced and inspired me more than these two, their hearts are so pure and simple! The power went out twice today during prayers which was awesome cos whenever it did, the stars became completely consuming and it wa as if God was saying 'remember me!' which we did in praise and thanks under the glorious milky way :)

Matt 28:16-end

"Then the eleven disciples left for Galilee, going to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw Him, they worshipped Him, but some of them still doubted! Jesus came and told His disciples:

'I have been given COMPLETE authority in heaven and on earth. Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptising them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the command I have given you. And be SURE of this:

I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS, EVEN TO THE END OF THE AGE"

Hallelujah!. Amen x

Spirito santo , you are doing some awesome things on our porch this morning! LOL. I love how all I can hear is woahing and giggling in the spirit and people laid out in the sand as we almost mischeveously keep praying for them knowing it will keep them there and God will prevent them from being able to get up! Tis highly funny. I love JEsus.

OMW...again, Lord do I ever get a day off?! LOL Oh how I love you :) I need to die more, kill me more Lord, humble me, more of you, more you Jesus, kill me Lord, live in my place.

So I said goodbye to Janico and aaron and brenda today, cried my little eyes out, boy o boy. What a beautiful spiritual family God has given me. I love how I can go anywhere in the world and I find people who share my love of my savior and who lov on me. I am so blessed and highly favored of the Lord, I do not deserve this, He is so good and beautiful. Hallelujah Thankyou Lord.

(NB I am SO over my thing to do with dirt!)

I wnet over to my big sis' house and spent the morning there doing more admin and feelin ill although I will be fine, just need to sleep it off. She came back and we chatted for ages. Man o man, what a prophet that girl is! That is all that needs to be published on here. God is very good.

I am a princess not a doormat, I am a child of God, I am chosen and have a future and plans and can trust God with everything and DO trust God with everything. And any one who walked with me this jan/feb will know the gravity and magnitude of such a statement. Praise Jesus.

Oh and yeah....the whole IHOP thing, God told me to go there a week ago and then turns out she was there as an intern for two years and have people that live there and then turns out Aaron and Brenda are gonna be going too! I think I%2

Me and Julia slept for a while this afternoon in center one when we'd finished our work and God gave Julia a dream as He woke me up and had me read MAtt23-24 and her dream and the scripture were about all the same stuff! Bout being ready and the Lord coming like a theif in the darkness but coming soon and being prepared! We then were played a song by this guy on site who wanted to share it with us, Misty Edwards in fact (amazing stuff) and the lyrics were from Matt 24!!! They were about how just cos people said to Noah they have never seen rain and it never had, doesnt mean it wouldnt and in the same way will it be when the son of man returns! We gotta be ready, look at the sign of the times, we gotta be ready!!! Anyways, so after that we got picked up by Heidi for the outreach in her landrover along with about 15 other people! We were packed in like illegals into the back of this landrover and i mean PACKED and it is at this point Heidi decides to announce that if anyone wants out this was one of their hardest villages they have ever been to and they are regularly thrown rocks at and they just chased the last pastor out within an inch of his life with a machete. yeah so we prayed HARD!!! although i tell ya, after HEidis driing, I dont think I could have BEEN any more afraid by the time I got there! lol. We got there and the Jesus film was underway with a few hundred people from the village watching, tonnes of kids in the middle (and my mom in the middle of them all as usual ;) ) To my left was Heidi and a group of people and to my right I noticed a girl sitting in the shadows behind the truck. I spoke to Jesus quietly to quiet my soul which was stil feeling unnerved and I was still feeling ill and I relaised still how much of my flesh was left. How much I wanted to be noticed by HEidi, how much 'celebrity' meant to me which was weird and irational, but I had prayed that the Lord search me and this is something He revealed. The thing was, I looked at Heidi and the team and knew that at that moment I could go join and pray with them. I also knew that there was a girl sitting in the shadwos noone had seen. God told me he had allowed noone else to see her but when I asked Him more He just said "you choose hoey, who do you chooose? will you love the one?" To say I didnt wrestle would be a lie, but something died in me today and I got a greater revelation of what it really means to stop for and love each and every one. I went over and spoke to her and she was silent and looked terrified so presuming she only spoke MAkua, I got up and went back to where I had been at whre Rosa and Cahtel were now furiously praying for more of God as usual! I wanted to join in, but something drew me back to this girl. she was in the corner of my eye and the Lord said "Is that all? you arent finished" I argued with Him, what else could I do?!But he replied, so characteristically of my heavenly father the same way He had to Moses, "what do you have?" I had an extra capalana (wrap around skirt) to protect me from mosquitos ( I didnt get bit once after this btw) so I walked back over to her and sat down in the dirt next to her and handed it to her. She looked shocked and then thankful and turns out she knows portugeuse and that she went to church and wanted me to pray with her which I did for about 15mins, laying on hands and pouring out as well as I could! (I am still learning how to pray thats for sure, but God knows my heart ;) ). Praise God for His patience with us. THis was one mighty lesson I learned under the stars at outreach tonight. I am so humbled. Before long the street lights blew out and we were in pitch blackness excpet for the flickering of the film and a floodlight on the back of the cameon. The sky was filled with a multitude of stars and the milky way and Rosa began to pray for me and I got wrecked, right there and then behind the truck in sand in the middle of a moselm village on outreach! She spoke of healing and me living the impossible as possible. Chantal then saw (and I FELT) tongues of fire and she prayed for love and more of God. NBsince then every time I have prayed I get supa hot and my palms burn, literally! HEidi did an altar call at this point in MAkua for the village where they were actually LISTENING and asked all that wanted to receive Christ to clap, what an applause!!! Many were prayed for for healing and so many received Christ and a time of testimony took place as we al started laying hands on the hundreds of kids and people around although in this village there werent that many sick we could still show them such love! hallelujah. With prayed for a little girl with rickets for ages, HEidi took over later and although there was no change, we both felt that she would be healed over night as the vitamin deficiency corrected itself. Jesus showed me how beautiful each of His children are, so so beautiful, Oh Jesus, hallelujah! Afterwards I discover that apparently the very kewl 13yr old boy we have living with us had got all exicted and shouted to my mom, 'look sue, look! Claire is glowing!!!' I can believe it, this is the second time my countenance apparently changed and it was once again because of the awesome and overpowering revelation of just how beautiful Gods children are and how much HE loves them and us!! Teach me more Lord, teach me more! I rode up front with HEidi on the way home praise God (I dont think I could have driven in the back again!) and she was praising JEsus for the difference in the villagers and was so surprised and praising God that they didnt throw rocks and we hardly got any grief, it truly was a complete change from whn she was there last time, hallelujah!!! I dont know I feel right now to be honest, this evening was so incredible and oddly enough I think Im on the verge of tears again, its amazing what happens when you allow God in verywhere, He makes you very vulnerable! So many people leave tomorrow so I think that is contributing to my mood, I am so full of Jesus but also sad because Janico, Aaron and Brenda leaving marks the beginning of having to leave what the Lord is establishing here and go back to seeing HIm move back home and believing for that, however hard. But I trust God to do all things and that there is nothing He cannot do, emotions are inevitable and indeed was it not me who asked for my heart to be broken and not numb? We need to know that we can live in complete trust of God and still FEEL an struggle ang hurt and rejoice, He made s emotional beings! Rend your hearts not your clothes says the Lord in Joel, REND YOUR HEART. God there is so much more death to occur, I am sorry for my pride, for numbing myself and putting you at arms length, I am sorry for hidden agendas and deluding myself. Search me and know me and know my inmost thoughts oh God. More Lord, MORE OF YOU!! I am not full yet, it is not enough! I am so desperate for you, so so desperate, I need you, you are my lifes breath. I will die without you Lord. My spirit is heavy at the prospect but also at peace. And so I sit again on the porch people playing guitar, crickets singing, moon and stars out. I do not know why I feel grieved, mabye the revelation that my experience of the Lord is still mediated far more that it should be by other people and myself and the boundaris I have put in place. Father forgive me, break me, wreck me, kill me, use me. I love you, I love you, I love you. Aaaargh the mosquitos are out in force as are some major huge bugs omw. I think maybe I need to sleep! I think thats what the LOrd would have me do not wotherwie im gonna end up randomly crying or something! Me ama Yeshua. hallelujah. Amen

AM

Deuteronomy 28 tells us very clearly and in no uncertain terms that if we obey the Lord our God (the key to all of this is purely obedience! pure and simple once again!) He WILL bless us with:

- Abundance, Provision from the treasury of heaven, Many children, Rain at the proper time, we will lend and not borrow, we will always have the upper hand.

I am gonna claim that! alleluia!

Dt 31

"Now listen! Today I give you a choice between prosperity and disaster, between
life and death. I have commanded you today to love the Lord your God and to keep His commands, laws and regulations by walking in His ways...Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. I call on Heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh that you would choose life, that you and your descendants might live! Choose to love the Lord your God and boey Him and commit yourself to Him, for HE IS YOUR LIFE. Then you will live
long in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors Abraham, Isaac and
Jacob."

I CHOOSE LIFE!!!! Lord Jesus I choose Life!!!!! Life in abbundance, life abandoned to you, alleluia. Reveal yourself today Lord, witness the choice I make, more Lord, more of you, more of your face, more of your fire and spirit but more of your intimacy, more YOU!!! I love you i love you i love you i love you. Alleluia alleluia. Amen

Clarity, Oh such clarity ( I love that it is the name the Lord gave me ;) )

My eyes are open. I read scripture and it makes sense! I understand, I look around here and we living it! These instructions are for what we are doing, how we are acting, we are living this stuff! I see the normality of ot all, I love it, God is here and is the same God I am reading about, I grab hold of it, grab hold of His spirit, grab hold and never ever let go....never let go of what you have in your hands, I charge you!! For the Spirit and the Word of God is living and active and true! Take God at His WORD and see what happens! Love Him, love each other, honor, obey and be blessed! grab a hold oh my soul, grab a hold and drink deep!

I love how God does stuff; divine appointments, connections, when we arent looking! or even when we are looking the other way. lol. Take Brenda and Aaron as my current for instance... ;) oh and the singleness thing, wooooopeeeeee!

I have chills down my spine, some one is blowing a shofar (biblical trumpet thing) over the compound to call the pastors to bible school and prayer.....sheeeeeeeeeeeeeew alleluia.

Psalm 37 11, 16-19, 23-24

"Those who are gentle and lowly will possess the land; they will live in
prosperous security...it is better to be godly and have little than to be evil
and possess much. For the strength of the wicked will be shattered, but the Lord
takes care of the godly.
Day by day the Lord takes care of the innocent and
they will receive a reward that lasts forever. They will survive through hard
times; even in famine they will receive more than enough...The steps of the
godly are dirested by the Lord, He delights in every detail of their lives.
Though they stumble, they will not fall, for the Lord holds them by hand."

PM

What a day. I have yet to find an uneventful day here! We interceded this morning at center one again, face down on the concrete! I love spening my days on my ace, I cant get low enough! I love worshipping my father, He is so beautiful and so loving and gentle and caring :) Rick brought the shofar to intercession and it was such a call to warfare!! We went from there to help my new big sis with admin which was awesome. I am so favored in what God has been doing and setting up here in terms of future stuf and relationship and contact building, He is so gracious and faithful adn abundant! I am so favored and humbled that He would take such care and time to direct me in His purposes! I look at the pastors here who have nothing and have walked days to be here and I am humbled, probably another reason 80% of my time is on my face, I do not understand why the Lord would provide so beautifully for me and favor me as He has, it floors me, but I praise Him that He has and I continue to give Him everything, my life is not mine, none of it is. Itsone of the major reasons the single issue has just disappeared to be honest, my life is not my own, I dont have time for a guy right now! If there is one out there for me, God will tell Him cos He will be hearing God that clearly ;) and he will just have to hit the ground running and chase me! I am abandoned to my God, He is my beloved and I am His and whatever HE tells me to do and wherver HE sends me, there shall I go!!!

I have been being attacked physically today, the devil has been trying to put sickness on me in terms of tiredness and major headaches and stuff but we have rebuked it and I will just rest in the Lord knowing that HE is my protector and that in Him I am safe and cared for. I think it might be anemia so have made a mental note to bring iron tablets when I come again!

Psalm 139

"Oh Lord, you have examined my heart
and you know everything about me
You know when I sit down or stand up
You know my every thought when far away
You chart the path ahead of me
and tell me when to stop and rest.
Every moment you know where I am
You know what I am going to say, even before I say it Lord!
You both precede and follow me, too great for me to know!
I can never escape from your spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
If i go out to the heavens you are there,
If i go down to sheol, you are there
If i ride the wings of the dawn, if i dwell in the farthest oceans even there your hand will guide me and your strength will support me.
I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to
become night but even in darkness I cannot hide from you,
To you the night shines as bright as day, darkness and light are both alike to you.
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
And knit me together in my mothers womb.
Thankyou for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvellous, how well I know it..
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Everyday of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
How precious are your thoughts to me Oh God, they are innumerable!
I cant count, they outnumber even the grains of sand!
When I wake up in the morning, you
are still with me!...

Search me Oh God and know my heart, test me and
know my thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

AMEN

Deuteronomy 28
Blessings for Obedience

1 If you fully obey the LORD your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations on earth. 2 All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God:
3 You will be blessed in the city and blessed in the country.
4 The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock—the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks.
5 Your basket and your kneading trough will be blessed.
6 You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out.
7 The LORD will grant that the enemies who rise up against you will be defeated before you. They will come at you from one direction but flee from you in seven.
8 The LORD will send a blessing on your barns and on everything you put your hand to. The LORD your God will bless you in the land he is giving you.
9 The LORD will establish you as his holy people, as he promised you on oath, if you keep the commands of the LORD your God and walk in his ways. 10 Then all the peoples on earth will see that you are called by the name of the LORD, and they will fear you. 11 The LORD will grant you abundant prosperity—in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your ground—in the land he swore to your forefathers to give you.
12 The LORD will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none. 13 The LORD will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the LORD your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom. 14 Do not turn aside from any of the commands I give you today, to the right or to the left, following other gods and serving them.
Curses for Disobedience

15 However, if you do not obey the LORD your God and do not carefully follow all his commands and decrees I am giving you today, all these curses will come upon you and overtake you:
16 You will be cursed in the city and cursed in the country.
17 Your basket and your kneading trough will be cursed.
18 The fruit of your womb will be cursed, and the crops of your land, and the calves of your herds and the lambs of your flocks.
19 You will be cursed when you come in and cursed when you go out.
20 The LORD will send on you curses, confusion and rebuke in everything you put your hand to, until you are destroyed and come to sudden ruin because of the evil you have done in forsaking him.

This evening after I worked over at center one doing admin with my new big sis, we walked back and the sky turned blood red with the most incredible african sunset :)

*insert languages of heaven!*

I have a new spiritual momma and papa! God has done a great work this evening! I am actually gonna write very little of it here cos it is not for public eyes, but praise God for speaking and ministering and coming down in power!!!

So Janico and Julia are outside right now interceding all night cos the spirit came down too heavily for us to be able to do anything else but pray and pray! The Lord told me however, to journal all of this and then sleep in preparation for what He has tomorow. It is so freeing when we live according to his instructions! I love how he has just killed my rebellious spirit and fear of man, I live for him and him alone and I trust Him with my life.

Tomorrow is intercession, more of His work and then the bush outreach into one of the local villages, I am so excited! So tonight was a night of the miraculous. sheeeeew, total healing,prayre and spirtual adoption, encouragement and forgiveness. It started in the club naval where we went with aaron and brenda for dinner (you can only stand so much beans and rice ;) ). We were all eating when Gary, the 13yr old lad who lives with us here, from canada, started having a full on allergic reaction to the fish he was eating. Anyone who knows nething about allergic reactions knows that withou adrenalin, that boy was suffocated and dead within five minutes, but instead, even though we physically watched his tongue swell in his mouth and heard his throat close and the panic sweep over his face, aaron and brenda commanded it to leave in the name of Jesus and we all prayed so hard and loudly in the middle of that restaurant! In the five minutes that it should have taken for him to be irredeemably suffocating, the swelling jst stopped and reversed! Within five mins he was back to complete normal and all that was left was the adrenalin pumping ferociously around my body!!!!!!

Just after His miracle :)





So yeah, Jesus took my three years of intensive nursing training and just turned it on its head this evening. He has taught me what it means now, his miraculous power, that our knee jerk reaction should be him, that he has power and might and that the supernatural DOES occur. I saw it :) Hallelujah, hallelujah!!!

So yeah, anointing of God is so strong and Julia just strats crying in Jesus and we keep praying. Before long, the things of the day weighing on my head come to the forefront (be aware that when you aks the spirit to come, you will be vunerable and that means the the stiff britich upper lip will be broken! LOL) but yeah, ended up crying as well under the spirit, the waiters didnt know what to make of it! We have yet to go to the restaurant and not be knocked out in some way or other by God! Rofl (literally ;) )

NB, i forget what day it happened, but i wasnt even there when rolland baker prodded my mom in prayer and she was out in the spirit for three HOURS in the restaurant! if you are reading this thoroughly freaked at this point, ask me and I will explain as well as I can what all this means.

We walked back to the compound and admired the stars and how we apeared to have awonderful affect on turning off street lamps when we walked past them! LOL. We curled up as a thre on a porch and Aaron and brenda ministered to me for hours, beautiful people that they are. I cannot thank God enough for this divine appointment. Then Julia and Janico found us and God just oured out. I love it, me and Janico although Janico especially, have this thing whereby when the spirit is poured out, we set alight in terms of getting really hot and our palms and the soles of our feet are red hot! its so silly!

I could write here about what I think God is saying about the future, about the things he is revealing, the peope He is putting in place, but Im not gonna, Im gonna rest in what He is doing right now, the rest will work out, I know that much :)

They gave me Dt 28 which I htink I will write some of here and am gonna live under but beyond that... Break me Lord, wreck me, kills me, humble me Lord. Halleujah! what a day! Amen.

So we stayed at the compound instead of going to intercession to listen to a talk by Aaron and Brenda and pray for and say goodbye to the South Carolina guys...they are such sweethearts. Aaron and Brenda...well here is me and my handmaiden sisters and Brenda is in the middle. They are awesome warriors of Christ who currently head up Iris South Africa, praise God for them. They are also one of my spiritual mama's and papa's, God did a pheomenal work :)





Anyways, had a really rough morning, satan has ben attacking my relationships and mum was seeing demons in the room last night and after last nights manifesting with Esperanza, man oh man he is attacking hard. Good job i know the one who is victorious eh? ;)

However I continue to pray into the conviciton that sits in my spirit, I wanna be quick to listen slow to speak, I wanna die to flesh, die to self and fear of man, I wanna die to a need to control or a need to be needed, I wanna die to a need for affirmation, I wanna die to all but you Jesus.

Psalm 96: 1-6

Sing a new song to the Lord!

Let the whole earth sing to the Lord!

Sing to the Lord, bless His name

Each day proclaim the good news that HE saves

Publish His glorious deeds among the nations

Tell everyone about the amazing things He does!

Great is the Lord! and most worthy of Praise!

He is to be revered above all the gods

The gods of the other nations are worthless idols

but the Lord made the heavens!

Honour and majesty surround Him

Strength and beauty are in HIs sanctuary.

Went to town this afternoon on the cameon after an AMAZING time of intercession this morning at center one, wowee did we do some serious praying business! There are two centers here in Pemba about ten minutes walk from each other. Center one is where most of the staff live and center two is where the visiors, church, bible school and children live! I will be doing some admin work in center one soon helpng out with some schduling stuff and helping out a new friend of mine :)

Heres a cameon btw:

Something is funky with my spirit today :( I do not know what but I have a clue so I will wait and wait. I almost have nothing to write, I just dont know...

.teehee, God is laughing at me again. I dont know. i DONT KNOW and that needs to be more than ok. I am here to be filled and pour out, not to store and understand or to stay. I am here to be obedient period. Peace of Jesus has finally rested on my spirit with that realisation, thankyou Father. Beyond all of that?...I just dont know ;)

This evening I took Esperanze to bed and saw her freak out and manifest demons or see them, I am not sure which, maybe both in a certain place on the site whenever I spoke the words 'in the name of Jesus'. It is a long story which does not need to be said but the day I come back I will have learned portugeuse, thats for sure, so that I may be able to pray with power with this girl and empower her and deliver her from what plagues her, I pray God deliver her soon and be her comfort and her liberty. It upset me a lot so Im not gonna tell this story here. I commit her to God and pray fr opportunity to minister to and just love on this beautiful beautiful girl. She has such a haunting beauty about her. Sweet Jesus, wrap your arms around her even now, be her father, her comfort, her peace. Jesus Jesus. Amen

What do you wish to teach me today Lord?

Be still and know that I am God

Omw omw omw I can barely write straight! Evening acoustic worship session with the america team under the milky way on the porch of our houses in the dirt and the sand facdown on our knees. sheeeeee it was incredible. I am so overwhelmed by God, He gave a promise to us all of a gift of permanence, HALLELUJAH!!! I prayed for people, was unable to get up cos His presenve was seriously SO heavya dn strong. Then a Mozambqcan child called Rosa came over and whispered in my ear and floored me completely lying with my face pressed into the grubby red sand. She spoke that God had something special in store for me and that I am his beloved and He loves me and some other secret things :) I dont care that my skirt got coered in dirt, that i was breathing in the stuff, we soaked in Jesus for over 2 hours under the stars. I received vision yes, praise God, but also a word which has struck a very deep chord and I know will change me from inside out this whole trip.

Be quick to listen and slow to speak.

God told Rosa He wanted me to stop trying to show Him things and just to spend time with Him. Hallelujah hallelujah. THankyou Jesus. Gloria Dios. Amen

Two plus two just equaled four....

Yeah so things take me a while ;) On my knees and face in the dirt tonight under thousands upon thousands of estrellas I asked the Lord for the gift of permanence. Only now do I realise He gave me that gift. It has nothing to do with a passive mind state precipitated by the Lord against our will or while we are apathetic and get on with life to create some false permanent existence of Him or the feeling of Him. The answer was whispered to me by the beautiful new sister of mine and her hands were on my back. 'He doesnt want you to show him how much you love him, but to spend time with him'

Right there, so obious I almost missed it. How? Daily bread, minute by minute submission and seeking and hungering and time at His feet, sacrifice, devotion, worship, worship, worship. EVERY SINGLE DAY. No longer will I let this slip, the responsibility is mine always has been, I am sorry Lord, I repent for my apathym I stand against distraction in el nome de Jesus Christo. In the Name of Jesus.

Teehee, the toilet just overflowed ;) had to share it with you! we are in africa after all! praise God we have such a wonderful bathroom to begin with! although we have to keep all our used loo paper in a bin instead of flushing it which is grooooss!! ;)

Anyway, now I should sleep. There is so much in my mind my heart and my spirit. I cannot comprehend. I still have no answers form God on other stuff I am asking Him but it just doesnt matter now, you hear me? Nothing matters now excpet Him. Beautiful beautiful beautiful God. Hallelujah. Goodnight

Amen

Man o man the weather is beautiful now omw. I am wearing my wrap and the top I got baptised in yesterday. Today, another person came to me to say how my appearance totally changed when I came out of the water. wow...wish I could have seen it! LOL.

This morning was staff church and ONE SONG went on for an HOUR with dancing the whole time, shesh these africans know how to work out! rofl. Then we had impromptu classes cos the president was in town and we had to get the kids out of the way. They all sang 'open the floodgates of heaven, let it rain' in portugeuse, amazing, trly. I have an MP3 of it if u wanna hear. Oh how i love church here, I wish they would have it every day! The kids sing in worship though is so beautiful, BONITA!!

We might be going to the beach a bit later, not sure yet. Not sure about anything thus far ;) Esperanza is sitting with me again to my right now so Id better go and love on my bonita amiga for a while.

p.s. went to the beach and I got stranded with FIVE under four year olds! omw omw stress! praise God for His help!

Joel 2:12, 13, 28

"This is what the Lord says 'Turn to me now while there is time! Give me your hearts. Come with fasting, weeping and mourning. Don't rend your clothing in grief, REND YOUR HEARTS! Return to te Lord your God, for He is gracious and merciful. He is not easiy angered. He is filled with kindness and is eager not to punish you....Then after I have poured out my rains again, I will pour out my spirit on all people"

Church :) Hallelujah

We are going to staff church in a little bit which I am so excited about. I dont know what God has in store for me today (when do I ever?) But it just doesnt matter, not even a little bit. Who cares about trying to figure out and know that which we cant know and even if we did we wouldnt be able to understand! It only causes stress and distracts us from the POINT -

LIVING!

asking Jesus about every step, just walking one foot infront of the other, skipping, dancing, jumping, delighting, playing around His feet in the meadows and green pastures that surround Jesus as we walk together. So the path we walk leads somewhere specific? Well it woudnt be much of apath if it didnt! but so what?? I mean really?

He's grinning wryly at me right now. Thats todays lesson isnt it Jesus?

yup.

I think I have been trying to crawl into the drivers seat again, controlling that which I cannot control cos I dont know where I am going! Instead, I am gonna remain a passenger, giggling with him and enjoing the ride, wherever HE takes me. I trust Him. Hallelujah, gloria gloria alleluia.

It is very very early in the morning and I am awake and unable to sleep even though the other two are out cold ;) I think the Lord may have woken me up. The lights in the tent remain on and I can see them through our thin curtains. Why am I awake? is there a reason> I will use this time to pray for people, for emma, samuel and naphtali, johnny and the isaacs, rach and johnny, soton, joy and simon, even my old housemates and other friends, salvation adn healing and the Lords will and revelation. Jesus, more for each! more Lord!!

I also wonder if I cannot sleep due to the magnitude of things on my mind, what next, BUIPa, jobs, america, ministry, Heidi, discipling, baptism, being Jesus, love, changes, actions, ALLOWING this trip to change me, killing my rebellious flesh. Allowing this trip to change my life forever.

It is like God is playing a beautiful but perpetual game of hide and seek. Her is here and I mean really here. I go to sleep in the spirit, wake up praising in His peace and presence. He is here in the kids prayer and worship, hands and faces heavenwards in earnest love of Him. He is here in the sky and here in the tiny ones. And yet in answer to questions, in guidance, in intimacy, it is like he has a scarlet cloak in thick wood, he is showing me just enough of himself with a glint in his eye to call me to the pursuit, to the great romance, to pursue and be pursued, to cherish, to love, to value, to fight for him, to chase, to adore, to hunger.

I am so aware that my gifting is more to scribe than to speak and that i have an ease in making this sound so poetic and unobtainable and articulate and eloquent. The truth is, everything is as normal here as is anywhere else. Thats what needs to be read here. The kids arent angels, they're kids, like any other, it isnt uber spiritual, it isnt like a massive revival shouting shaking thing, it is just normality, living with God here, calling on the spirit whenever wherever, him being the first line of conversation and solution. Hallelujah.

THat is what my soul is thirsty for, to learn, to know how to live this, live the depth of unahsamed passion and love I see in mama aida and the people here. Teach me your love Lord.

Amen
x

Matthew 4:28

"So Peter called out to Him ' Lord, if its really you, tell me to come to you by walking on the water.' "All right, come" Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus"

Faith. Expectation. Trust. Simplicity. Purity. Uncomplicated. Clarity. LOVE

We went with the kids to their casas this evening to see where they live and sleep and to wish them Bon nuit and saw all the widows and house mothers and the community they have up there. There is a fenced in toddler house with about 30 under 4's which is gorjuss and each of the rooms is in age and gender order. Esperanza was the girl I loved on most this evening, esta una bonita chica and we looked at the estrellas and the milky way together. I love outside, I'd almost prefer to sleep out there!

Tday was the first day I seriously asked Jesus if this was where I am meant to live. The answer? I dont think so permanently, but this is not the last time I will be here by far, that IS for certain. I love it, my mind asks, how does this fit with this and this and what youv said about that and how can it fit and....nope, Im just gonna keep on loving. It'll come :)

God is so so good, so lovely, so bonita, gloria gloria alleluia

y ahora? ora...to prayer x

Baptised

6 hours after it began, church and baptismo's finished and we ate rice and beans. I sit outside, Esperanza to my left (shes my girl that I have bonded so closely with, such depth and haunting beauty but such hidden pain and torment, oh Jesus), the Pemba breeze slowly licking my drying sea hair, shell shocked, overwhelmed, not understanding, not knowing what comes next, only knowing i love the girl to my left, the kids to my right, the group behind me and the place they call Pemba and Arco-Iris. If there was a significance to all those rainbows, maybe this was it, i do not know. What do i know? I have been here 27hours and I have gone form numb and surreal to ....something and surreal! This morning, we had church, we worshipped, watched kids on their faces, literally, praising Jesus, danced, prayed, joyed...mama aida spoke of testimonys of what she has seen the lord do healings and such and then did an altar call before we all went to the beach for the three hour baptism service.

In short, everyone who was baptised, kids from 6-15 yrs, adults, me and mum and some other visitors, by mama Aida were ALL overcome by the presence and spirit of God on return out of the water, right there an then in the sea. Previous baptisees floated away in the arsm of others, oblivious to all but the love and joy of Jesus in response to their death to flesh and commitment of their lives to Him. Before long my spirit had quickened and God called me to get in the water which for some reason really scared me, i think the last dregsof demons were creaming at me to run away but I didnt wann be caught up by them, nor was i gonna be caught up in legalism having already been baptised aged 12. God told me to jump into the waters of his love and blessing and burial, so i did. What love mama Aida posesses! In so mcuh as whenever anyone is near her, they wanna be loved, they love, thye seek healing and receive it, they share testimony, they love. She spoke over me that God makes all things new and that today was a new day hallelujah :) As I came up fromt he water the Spirit...oh the Spirit took over and I shook and felt Him so deep inside I was overwhelmed and could do nothing but float in Heidis arms are she spoke in the langauges of heaven over me and kissed my head. Then i was enveloped in His joy, it consumed me, i laughed, glowed according to three different people who later sought me out to tell me! Oh but how to keep a hold of it, permamnce Lord! Dont let this just be a break in the clouds! I wont let it be! my life has changed, let it never ever go back to how it was. Mum was baptised too, we have pics of both which i will try and figure out how to blog, she glowed as well, physically glowed. :)

This is the point at which nothing else can be verbalised or explained. I sit here numb and yet full of emotion, unsure right now how to keep this, how to not let it slip, how to even process what just happened, what it means int he course of my life....God is doing great works between me and my mom on this trip as well, I look forward to seeing the Lord being greater revelation love and breakthrough with us.

Beyond all of this though, beyond my current thoughts about future,, i observe what I see here, i watch mama aida, i feel what God poured into me today and I am left with a profound and life changing question. How do we love, no matter wat, when or who, with the love and passion of Christ?

There is more wrestling in me but I leave it within me so that the LOrd can minster and answer.

Below I have written some tesimonys from this morning although I also include a diary entry after this one from Heidi about this morning.
-woman told by doctor to eat her family to get well (by witch doctor) didnt, instead asked Jesus and was healed
- man alcoholic then had aids then DIED...raised from the dead and well
- deaf hearing
- alcoholic cured
- sickness cured
- one woman came to Christ and her family so scared that the demons would kill them as a result (she was delivered).

That is not the greatest measure of stories I have heard and testimony to the drak and light contrast here, but ther are somethings it is worth not knowing. All that needs to be realised here is that when there is great light there is great darkness and vice versa. The lord spits out the mediocre and the lukewarm but sets on fire that which burns in the darkest places after Him.

The girls have moved on now and I remain sitting here on the back porch, hair crispy, beautiful warm breeze licking my face. They sat and talked and played with my hair which I sat here, beautiful beautiful beautiful ones. I almost wish I could just speak to someone outside of here to get a reality check that this isnt all some kinda vision or dream! I need to know this is real, sort out my head, understand somehow. There is a massive breakthrough coming in my spirit, I feel it, i know that mcuh, but i dont know how or why or what from or when.

So I cry that which is embedded in my heart to cry for the rest of eternity until I am perfected with Him. More Lord, break me, mold me, use me, gill me, our me out, wreck me, pour me out, pour me out. I have no other words. I wish I did. But I dont. Me and Jesus need to spend some time I think. x

Psalm 73: 21-28

21 When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.
23 Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
27 Those who are far from you will perish;you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds.

So we woke up WAY early and chuch isnt until 9am so I will try and explain more about how we got here and thoughts etc. We got the virgin flight from London to Joberg and then missed our connection to Maputo by five minutes thanks to some very helpful but confused porters! LOL. We remained in the airport and then got the flight to Maputo at 2pm. Once there...well. What a place! ROFL. The difference in obvious money and westernisation was immense and soon it became oh so familiar. I thought it would be different here to Ghana but it even smells the same! Talk about disorientating! Snaking through traffic with scary as you like driving in a beat up taxi, trash dumpsters overflowing, open sewers and houses destroyed by war, street sellers, people everywhere and I knew I was back in Africa!

We stayed in the Pestana Rovuma hotel, which was really nice, and watched the streets below and the sunset over the Indian ocean from our balcony. Oh, and my feet and ankles are swollen! I think its the heat! Its in the 80-90's with MUCHAS humidity and a ceiling fan (praise God for a fan!) that trundes round as it pleases ;)

So anyway, we awoke early and got our flight here to Pemba via Nampula (thats now FOUR take offs and landings for two people (mum is with me) who supposedly hate flying! LOL). The flood plain stretched out beneath us, lush forest and vast tributaries and river alongside the coast of the beautiful indian ocean. We really are in the middle of nowehere! Truly a stunning place displaying Gods creatvitiy and artistry. We are so blessed to be allowed to come here and see it for ourselves. Pemba airport is SO tiny! The rom where you pick up your luggage is the size of a living room and has the tiniest conveyor belt ever! heehee. made me giggle. We came out and Jessie and Joshan greeted us, two memeber of staff (brother and sister noless whch is kewl!) Heehee, mum is SO well, she has stunned me in fact! She has never done anything close to this in her entire life, Im so proud. We cam out of the place and they took us to a truck which they called a cameon and told us to hop in! HAHAHA, love it. It was like a giant pic up truck with benches in the open back with a tarp over it. We drove throough a truly truly frican village with mud huts and everything adn then we pulled into the compound...the kids clambered in the truck as it was still moving! Instanly they had no fear and they sat on us and climbed al over us and Jessie was just like 'love them!" They were everywhere from then on. After unpacking we spent al afternoon meeting the other visitors and playing with them, loving them, watching and enjoying such precious children! We took loadsa pics which I am sure wont capture anywhere close what I am seing here but will do better than nothing ;) Hahaha, and they all decided to braid our hair! highly amusing. There are tonnes of pastors here as well cos they are running a bible school for the pastors to train them before the Holy Given school which is th one a lot more internationals go to and is missions orientated. I would love to go to it, I shall see what the Lord says in the future :) The Lords timing is immaculate and this isnt about receiving frely and remaining, always just remaining, it is about receiving freely and carrying it, living it, applying it, preaching Christ and Christ crucified and risen again, its about catching the fire!

Makes me chuckle when I think about the fact that this is inherently just a two week bible camp in a way! who needs spring harvest eh?! ;) So I think we are up to date as i laze around in my bunk bed waiting for more church! WOOOT! OH, and we went to dinner last night at the hotel with the american guys and had an all you can eat FRESH SEAFOOD meal OMW OMW OMW.

So currently? After sleeping well I sit here on my bottom bunk listening to mum and Julia writing at the table, loraine humming worship above me. I look out our windown to the tent I have read about so many times in their book 'There is always enough' (please read it) The kids are at breakfast so there is a small lull of peace and quiet. I am gonna pray now...I shall write more here once I have experience church no doubt! Praise Jesus. Amen x

Your Love is amazing
steady and unchanging
Your love is a mountain
firm beneath my feet
Your love is a mystery
How is gently lifts me
When I am surrounded
Your Love carries me

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Your Love makes me sing

I wake up this morning (am in bed right now under the blue mosquito net in the bunk bed, sun pouring through the netting on the glassless window overlooking the tent church, a gentle breeze playing the curtains) with a love for Jesus exploding from my heart. A love for Him, for His people. It is still easier to love on those I do not know that those closest to me but I do not think that is just me and it is something God will work out, that I do know, praise Him :) Either way, I pray for more of what God is doing in me and showing me. Instead of not wanting to go home at the end of this, I pray that the Lord reveals to me how to transfer this, how to take it back, to love, not to lose it, permanance oh Lord, permanance, please.

Yesterday as I ate my first bowl of beans and rice, I had a balloon emptied in ym ear by a kid called Manuel. He squealed with delight and a chase ensued. Much to the kids amusement and delight, this crazy white girl kicked off her flip flops and barefoot chased this beauty round the camp for a long time until he finally fell over and I tickled him silly. Oh how he reminded me of Tekiywa, the little girl I left in Ghana, the little girl who I dont actually know if she still lives or not. Oh Jesus. But beyond the similarity with these two children, I am struck here by the happiness and freedom. It is that simple. They are innocent and free. They are like any other kids, they are DEFINITLY not angels or anything, but they are unrestraind by cynicism and cultural restrainedness, they are so used to and excited by the Lords presence and the normality of its existence as they enjoy their new found lives off the streets, away from abuse and hurt and the evil they were subject to. They can enter His throne room with such ease, whenever they so desire and He pours down His grace and love upon them.

I met an 18 year old boy yesterday called George. He came with Mama aida (Heidi) from Maputo to minister here. His heart is that of a pastor and is once again simple. He wants to preach Jesus he told me, to kill sickness and call on Gods power. Thats it. Thats his heart and his manifesto. I am humbled. I have a feeling I have a lot to learn from this guy. From all the kids in fact. God is taking my understanding of spiritual giants, christian celebrity, who holds spiritual authrotiy, all that is ingrained within me and...hallelujah...is wrecking it. More of your culture wrecking God. The only unfrotunate thing was him unashamadly coming onto me ;) but thats ok, he got over it pretty quick! hahaha. sometime I might write here about what God is doing in me relationally in relation to singleness cos it is phenomenal, but not now :)

I also can imagine the impact of three months here in an intensive bible school...two weeks is gonna change me forever, I have no doubt. God is here.

As we drove into the compound yesterday I knew why we were in Pemba and why satan had opposed it so strongly. It could be argued that we live (in this compound) in an artificial environment that makes seeking Him easier...I would dispute that. Fact is, they simply make houses and room and pick kids off the street who need homes and families (177 orphans last week and on the increase!) and then they introduce them to Jesus.

What results in the compound (aside form the inevitable bedlam!) is that the spirit walks among us, God is here. We have 3 1/2 hours of church this morning, more tomorrow. The Bakers have just returned from Brazil so we might veen have the privelidge of hearing Heidi speak which is so kewl. I do not know what to expect, but that is a good thing!!! My expectation levels have reached unseeable, there is nothing I cannot believe God for :) God can and will do anything we ask of Him that He chooses! Period. In the meantime? I cannot wait for our first opportunity to worship alongside the kids here!

Me being baptised by Heidi

One Sunday in Pemba - The day I was baptised in the Indian Ocean (Heidi's update)

Sunday was a beautiful day. Church was filled with singing, dancing Makua and Macondie friends along with many visitors from around the world. I preached from Mark 16:15-18, He said to them, Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.In Mozambique, we see King Jesus protect us from great opposition as he promised in this passage. During church, several people gave their testimonies. One lady had been full of demons and was told by her witch doctor to eat her family! She was severely sick and could not sleep. She would cut her arm and drink her own blood. When she came to church I would hug her and pray she would know the love of Jesus. Then one of our pastors visited her and burned all her witch doctor fetishes, and almost immediately she was freed and filled with the peace of Jesus. This morning her face was beaming with love, and instead of eating her family, they have become her friends!The next lady had an even more amazing story testifying of Gods grace and power to protect us all. She had been very ill with acute asthma for ten years. Her husband was sure she was a prostitute, and was going to divorce her. Recently she came to our church in Pemba as demonized as anyone we have seen. She was healed of asthma and set free instantly by prayer and a hug filled with the love of Jesus. Her husband was amazed by her transformation, although he continued to drink and fly into crazy rages. One day he had a demonic fit and died. After he was pronounced dead at the hospital, his wife began to pray in Jesus name. In a little over an hour he was raised from the dead and came straight to the church to ask Jesus into his heart! At the same time he was set free from the demons who had tormented him for years. This morning he announced with a huge smile that he has not had a drink of alcohol since that day.Right after I preached on this passage, we went across the street and were baptizing new converts and many of our new children. What a joy to see the sunlight on their shining faces! As they were baptized in the turquoise water, they were filled with the presence of the glorious Lamb who was slain. Church lasted until three in the afternoon! What a beautiful Sunday in Pemba. This is what I was created for.
Thank you for loving and praying for us.
Thank you for remembering the poor.

Much love in Jesus, Heidi

Pemba

We are here. I couldnt write it all here cos I am so so tired but I need to at least bullet point, I need to remember and record.

Beautiful scenery, so much travelling, beautiful beautiful town and place and KIDS OMW. GEorge, kids praying, singing, playing. Living in the village/orphanage compound, lorraine is here, had dinner at the beach hotel with the america group from south carolina *breathe*

I wanna write it all, write how one of the kids sat on my lap and started singing and praising with her friend and got overwhelmed with God, crying in the Spirit, twice in fact and on the second both girls (aged 10 or younger?) eyes closed, hands lifted heavenwards, said 'nosotros' (US to join in with them) so we did, we all prayed together in the tongues of heaven. Church s tmoroow. I could write pages and pages and pages about everything from today but tiredness overcomes me and the words just arent there. I fear whatever I write, unless you are reading this having been to Pemba yourself, these words will be lost on you.

But I know one thing...here is home. God is here, so here is home. Praise Jesus. Amen x

*shakes head* surely its not possible, surely the kids cant...surely their too young or they r imitatting something they have seen or something....die cynicism. There is no place for you here. I cannot reason away what hapened today, it is not possible to do. Ther werent imitating, it just wansnt possible. They were in theirFathers arms, I saw them. Pure and simple.

Pure

Simple.

Well, what a day! OMW. We travelled all night and although the flight (virgin) was awesome, so were the movies! lol. So didnt really sleep much which would have been fine excpet we missed our connecting flight by 5mins and so sat in Joberg airport for 4 hours waiting for another meaning that reaching here has taken the best part of 24hours! Oi.

I finally lost it just now to be honest, I am already crawling the walls for my own space, communication, all of it. God i definitly breaking me as I asked, and my flesh as ever, is rebelling full throttle. Hence why I cried my eyes out in the bathroom just now. But I am sure thats ok, I am sure it wil work out, especially when I get to Pemba tomorrow and this starts roperly and stops being an airport vacation!...

Expectation
I am beginning to truly learn all about love and humility, brokeness and being totally wrecked for Jesus. I am learning before I even leave the country, that the location just doesnt matter. I often wondered why on May 4th each year, amazing things happen since its my anniversary i thought it was just that. But i realised that it is far more simple, God is placed within the box of our expectation, just like when Jesus was in that village with the whole not healing a person thing cos of lack of faith. We live (and i have so often) in a culture of optimitsic pessimism, hope for the worst case scenario then you cna always be suprised and never disappointed. But He cannot move in those boundaries, sometimes He does anyway, but the reason i see the miraculous on May4th is that I emmeber what He did for meand i RAISE MY EXPECTATION levels. I am not seeing and understanding more about God now becausre I am going to Mozambique, but because the idea of the trip and the revival over there raises the expectation of my heart about what God is and will do and who He is and His very capacity. He is only limited by us. That is the thing that has blown my mind away today. And He also reminded me within that, that intimacy should always be matched by commitment. It is the wisest relationship advice i have ever heard and know full well the ramifications of that balance being unequal, but that this is a key principle with us and Him also. Intimacy and commitment levels reflect one another. What a challenge. Oh what a challenge.

Four days til africa...
Man the thoughts are pouring from my head so fast i can barely articulate them but I shall try... I wanna be wrecked for Him "wrecked" To suffer destruction or ruin; become wrecked. The remains of something that has been wrecked or ruined.A person who is physically or mentally broken down. Or more specifically, I want my flesh to be wrecked, i want to be broken and humbled and completely unable to function without Him. I want my spirit to rise up and for the only glory and honor to be to Him who shines and pours through me. I wanna be wrecked. I wanna be broken. I wanna be His servant, His pot, His vessel, His likeness. Lord, everything that is in me that is not of you, that is not Holy and Righteous and Good.....wreck it. Psalm 51 : 1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts [a] ; you teach [b] me wisdom in the inmost place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you.
14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 The sacrifices of God are [c] a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
18 In your good pleasure make Zion prosper; build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then there will be righteous sacrifices, whole burnt offerings to delight you; then bulls will be offered on your altar."Isaiah 40:9 "Men and like grass, their glory like the flowers of the field, the grass withers and the flowers fal but the word of the Lord remains forever" What is the 'shelf life" of that which we invest ourselves in? in supermarkets we see knocked down prices on perishable items, those whose shelf life ends today. In the same way, are the things we are investing our lives in, even Christian pursuits, with a wider eternal goal? or perishable? Where are we investing ourselves, our time, our energy, are we focusing on that which Jesus said and being prepared for when He comes again o so soon? or are we building and shaping ourselves by earthly benchmarks, for earthly gratification? To LOVE. That is why i wanna go to Mozambique now, not to receive or even to gain the answers i seek, my life will happen as the Lord wills it cos i have asked that of Him so i leave it there and walk, loving, looking actively for those to love, to cherish, to feed into, to bless, to anoint and listen to. I seek to be Jesus to people, to give more than a glass of water, to give myself, evetything I own to those who need it. Lord, these words are nothing without action and I fear that i am weak and so hypocritical. Break me, mold me, humble me WRECK ME for your purposes.Psalm 116: "1 I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. 2 Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. 3 The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave [a] came upon me; I was overcome by trouble and sorrow. 4 Then I called on the name of the LORD : "O LORD, save me!" 5 The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. 6 The LORD protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me. 7 Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you. 8 For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, 9 that I may walk before the LORD in the land of the living. 12 How can I repay the LORD for all his goodness to me? 13 I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the LORD. 16 O LORD, truly I am your servant; I am your servant, the son of your maidservant [c] ; you have freed me from my chains. Psalm 37: Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart, commit your way to the Lord, trust in Him and He will do this.